Seriously....I can't really stand this anymore.....
WHY WHY WHY does it take men 20+ minutes to unload their load????
I mean I don't know about the rest of you but when I feel the urge to unload I go into the bathroom, sit down and well....unload....
I have asked my DH is in the past WHY it takes so long...his response "I just have to wait for it"....
WTF....are mens thinking such they just say - "hummm now is a good time to take a rest and since at some point today I'll have to take a dump might as well sit bare-ass naked on the toilet seat and man multi-task"????
anyone got an answer to this question...cause I have already searched WebMD and can't come up with a vaild diagnosis...
BTW...say a little prayer for me this weekend - I get to attend a Family Reunion for my FIL side of the family...I am scared...very, very scared....
Friday, August 25, 2006
Monday, August 07, 2006
Woo Woo - Conductor of the idiot train...
So this past weekend - while hubby was on his MANTASTIC weekend - I went into a cleaning mode...don't ask me what i ate...I don't know - if I did I would make sure I never ate it again.
So I began in my bedroom - I stripped the sheets and changed the bed. I gathered up all my laundry and put it in a basket - see I do my own clothes separately from everyone elses - after a few mishaps on hubby's part and me winding up with clothing that barely fit TW and PWG's Cabbage Patch Dolls (one of which now sports a fabulous $80 wool sweater) - I took matters into my own hands and do my own clothing separately - this allows me to wash my clothing on Cold with special Tide Coldwater detergent and tumble dry on low...so getting back to my story - I gather up all my clothes...all my nice summer T-shirts, all my shorts (that fit), 2 skirts, 3 lightweight sweaters and two pairs of pants...go downstairs and throw them in the washing machine.
I headed back upstairs and PWG helped me weed through the remaining shirts in my dresser...it was time - time I grew up and got rid of some of my T-shirts - my well loved T-shirts with holes and rips and stains...I did shed a tear when I put my beloved "You can always retake a class but you can never relive a party" T-shirt with dancing dead bears - but the time had come...I did however keep my "Co-Ed Naked Bar Hopping" T-shirt - so it has a small tear and a few holes...it has MEMORIES!!!!!
I did manage to pare down my T-shirt collection - some T-shirts were just to old, to stained, to 90's to continue to be in my collection...
then the washer buzzed and I trooped down to laundry room and threw everything in the dryer - set on low and away we go...
the next day I realized at about 5pm when I needed a pair of shorts all my clothes were still down in the dryer... So I grabbed a basket and started throwing my dry clothes in the basket - when everything was removed I looked in the dryer - all on the inside of the dryer was purple markings...I scratched my head and thought WTF is that...shrugged my shoulders and went upstairs
I get upstairs and look down at the basket of freshly washed clothes and notice a blue spot on my white shirt...WTF - pull it out - a bunch of blue spots...
Pulled out EVERY SINGLE SHIRT - alllllllll of then have some splotch of blue on them - and of course the splotches can't be by the hem or under the arm - oh no...because it is ME - they are all over the front of every shirt in my basket - my lightweight sweaters all ruined....I am frantcially searching for what made the mess...then I pull out my cute chocolate brown cargo pants - and there clipped to the side pocket is a blue gel pen...ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Shat!
Somehow...I don't know how...all my shorts and my skirt managed to escape being ruined by the ink...along with one lonely shirt...the shirt which happened to be my FAVORITE...
so I stand there at about 5pm looking at a pile of ruined clothes...all my comfy T-shirts...the T-shirts I love because they aren't tight...they go past the twin skin belly and hit me right at the right length...
Thankfully - hubbie had taken TW and PWG off my hands so I didn't kill them (earlier in the day we went to the mall to get First Day of School outfits - needless to say as we were leaving the store both of them had temper tantrum break-downs...if you have ever had the privilage of trying to remove one 5 year old from a public mall while she is flailing about - try it with two...it might change your mind about whalloping your kid on the butt...we were at the door and a very nice young man held the door for us...after which he muttered to himself "never forget condoms"...I am glad that my children are birth control for others...) so I ran to our local strip mall which happily had both a Lane Bryant and a Target - ran to LB and grabbed 3 basic T-shirts and then hit Target and got another shirt, a pair of shorts and a jean skirt...
While it is nice to buy new clothes...I just wish I hadn't boarded the idiot train on Saturday... I would have rather spent that $70 on something more fun....or frivilous....
So I began in my bedroom - I stripped the sheets and changed the bed. I gathered up all my laundry and put it in a basket - see I do my own clothes separately from everyone elses - after a few mishaps on hubby's part and me winding up with clothing that barely fit TW and PWG's Cabbage Patch Dolls (one of which now sports a fabulous $80 wool sweater) - I took matters into my own hands and do my own clothing separately - this allows me to wash my clothing on Cold with special Tide Coldwater detergent and tumble dry on low...so getting back to my story - I gather up all my clothes...all my nice summer T-shirts, all my shorts (that fit), 2 skirts, 3 lightweight sweaters and two pairs of pants...go downstairs and throw them in the washing machine.
I headed back upstairs and PWG helped me weed through the remaining shirts in my dresser...it was time - time I grew up and got rid of some of my T-shirts - my well loved T-shirts with holes and rips and stains...I did shed a tear when I put my beloved "You can always retake a class but you can never relive a party" T-shirt with dancing dead bears - but the time had come...I did however keep my "Co-Ed Naked Bar Hopping" T-shirt - so it has a small tear and a few holes...it has MEMORIES!!!!!
I did manage to pare down my T-shirt collection - some T-shirts were just to old, to stained, to 90's to continue to be in my collection...
then the washer buzzed and I trooped down to laundry room and threw everything in the dryer - set on low and away we go...
the next day I realized at about 5pm when I needed a pair of shorts all my clothes were still down in the dryer... So I grabbed a basket and started throwing my dry clothes in the basket - when everything was removed I looked in the dryer - all on the inside of the dryer was purple markings...I scratched my head and thought WTF is that...shrugged my shoulders and went upstairs
I get upstairs and look down at the basket of freshly washed clothes and notice a blue spot on my white shirt...WTF - pull it out - a bunch of blue spots...
OH F'N NO
Pulled out EVERY SINGLE SHIRT - alllllllll of then have some splotch of blue on them - and of course the splotches can't be by the hem or under the arm - oh no...because it is ME - they are all over the front of every shirt in my basket - my lightweight sweaters all ruined....I am frantcially searching for what made the mess...then I pull out my cute chocolate brown cargo pants - and there clipped to the side pocket is a blue gel pen...ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Shat!
Somehow...I don't know how...all my shorts and my skirt managed to escape being ruined by the ink...along with one lonely shirt...the shirt which happened to be my FAVORITE...
so I stand there at about 5pm looking at a pile of ruined clothes...all my comfy T-shirts...the T-shirts I love because they aren't tight...they go past the twin skin belly and hit me right at the right length...
Thankfully - hubbie had taken TW and PWG off my hands so I didn't kill them (earlier in the day we went to the mall to get First Day of School outfits - needless to say as we were leaving the store both of them had temper tantrum break-downs...if you have ever had the privilage of trying to remove one 5 year old from a public mall while she is flailing about - try it with two...it might change your mind about whalloping your kid on the butt...we were at the door and a very nice young man held the door for us...after which he muttered to himself "never forget condoms"...I am glad that my children are birth control for others...) so I ran to our local strip mall which happily had both a Lane Bryant and a Target - ran to LB and grabbed 3 basic T-shirts and then hit Target and got another shirt, a pair of shorts and a jean skirt...
While it is nice to buy new clothes...I just wish I hadn't boarded the idiot train on Saturday... I would have rather spent that $70 on something more fun....or frivilous....
Friday, August 04, 2006
FREE Panties...
I just love that word...FREE (did ya think I meant panties...)
The other day a good friend of mine - C - called - she has been stuck at home on baby duty since her precious little one arrived in the beginning of June...anyway she needed to escape and I was only to happy to obilige - especially since hubby is going on a MANTASTIC weekend with friends (which includes C's hubby as well) - so we agreed to meet at the mall...
The mall that sucks me dry every time I go because they have a Nordstoms and well Nordstorms has a Philosophy counter and well if you have read some of my pasts posts - I am a Philosophy HO...anyway I scurried around my kitchen island sorting through weeks of junk mail to find what I was looking for...A FREE Breath product with any $15 purchase at Bath and Bodyworks and a FREE panty at Victoria's Secret - SCORE!!! do the FREE dance.
So off I go to meet C at Dilliards...where she was looking for some clothes to get her through the next month until she goes back to work - we scour the sale racks and nothing...usually I am a good deal good luck charm but I guess not last night.
Anyway off to Coldstone Creamery for a treat...a treat I gladly indulged in because I had my WW weigh-in for the week an hour and a half earlier and EVERYBODY knows points eaten within 5 hours after weigh-in don't count...The Hawaiian Smoothie I got was da' bomb.
Then it was off to B&BB so I could get my FREE breath product - OK not really FREE because I did have to buy something - but I did actually need some Antibacterial hand soap per the Kindergarten registration list - so in reality I was FORCED to go to B&BB - and wouldn't you know it all soaps 5 for $15...my Good Deal radar was once again working...got my soap...got some delicious Breath gradiual sunless tanning lotion (for the wicked winter white skin of mine) and we were off...
to Victoria's Secret...now let me tell you I have only been in a VS a handful of times in my life - they don't exactly cater to those of us that are pleasantly plump...not saying people who are pleasantly plump don't shop at VS...they do...however many of them stretch the boundries of the spandex that VS uses in their items...I have gotten the FREE panties coupon in the mail previously and have passed them along to friends - a lot skinner friends...but considering I am offically no longer a size 16 (that's right...14's baby and even those are a little loose sometimes) I figure I might give it a whirl...the coupon also had an offer for $10 off any BODY bra...I looked down at my girls and decided they needed something new and pretty too...so I tried on a few bras and found one that worked well...then it was off to the panties...
NOW...the panties in question for FREE are the no frills (darn it you mean it doesn't include the pink leopard print thong with the heart cut out and the bow - I am crushed...) basic color cotton panties...which is fine with me - I am a basic kinda girl...but here is the thing - in my heart of hearts I am a Jockey Girl - I know I am a Size 6 in Jockey but how does that translate to Victoria Secret...so C and I sat there and pondered the sizes of VS underwear...we immediately threw out the extra-small, small and medium options...which left us with Large and Extra-Large...so we sat there - measured each against the other - took into consideration the size of my ass and the shrinkage factor of the underwear themselves...then I looked around...nothing in the store is deigned for a person larger than a 14...so that was easy Extra-large it was...if nothing else they could become my "Fat Day" panties...and besides they were FREE...
On the way out I tried my best to avoid Nordstorms...but I couldn't resist...$35 later i have a new Philiosophy Hair Care system...DAMN you Philiosophy....DAMN you Liz...ok Liz I don't Damn you - I luv ya...but you pimped me out girl...
So today I sit in my New Panties...which fit quite nicely and hubby liked the way it covered my ass (probably happy it covered the cellulite)...I think they will be perfect after a run through a very hot dryer and my girls are happily ensconced in their new desert sand colored $42 house (ok $32 with the coupon...DAMN that is a lot of money to spend on a Bra...)...tonight my hair will get it's first taste of expensive hair products...and for this my family will be subsiding on Spagetti and mac & cheese for the remainder of the month...
The other day a good friend of mine - C - called - she has been stuck at home on baby duty since her precious little one arrived in the beginning of June...anyway she needed to escape and I was only to happy to obilige - especially since hubby is going on a MANTASTIC weekend with friends (which includes C's hubby as well) - so we agreed to meet at the mall...
The mall that sucks me dry every time I go because they have a Nordstoms and well Nordstorms has a Philosophy counter and well if you have read some of my pasts posts - I am a Philosophy HO...anyway I scurried around my kitchen island sorting through weeks of junk mail to find what I was looking for...A FREE Breath product with any $15 purchase at Bath and Bodyworks and a FREE panty at Victoria's Secret - SCORE!!! do the FREE dance.
So off I go to meet C at Dilliards...where she was looking for some clothes to get her through the next month until she goes back to work - we scour the sale racks and nothing...usually I am a good deal good luck charm but I guess not last night.
Anyway off to Coldstone Creamery for a treat...a treat I gladly indulged in because I had my WW weigh-in for the week an hour and a half earlier and EVERYBODY knows points eaten within 5 hours after weigh-in don't count...The Hawaiian Smoothie I got was da' bomb.
Then it was off to B&BB so I could get my FREE breath product - OK not really FREE because I did have to buy something - but I did actually need some Antibacterial hand soap per the Kindergarten registration list - so in reality I was FORCED to go to B&BB - and wouldn't you know it all soaps 5 for $15...my Good Deal radar was once again working...got my soap...got some delicious Breath gradiual sunless tanning lotion (for the wicked winter white skin of mine) and we were off...
to Victoria's Secret...now let me tell you I have only been in a VS a handful of times in my life - they don't exactly cater to those of us that are pleasantly plump...not saying people who are pleasantly plump don't shop at VS...they do...however many of them stretch the boundries of the spandex that VS uses in their items...I have gotten the FREE panties coupon in the mail previously and have passed them along to friends - a lot skinner friends...but considering I am offically no longer a size 16 (that's right...14's baby and even those are a little loose sometimes) I figure I might give it a whirl...the coupon also had an offer for $10 off any BODY bra...I looked down at my girls and decided they needed something new and pretty too...so I tried on a few bras and found one that worked well...then it was off to the panties...
NOW...the panties in question for FREE are the no frills (darn it you mean it doesn't include the pink leopard print thong with the heart cut out and the bow - I am crushed...) basic color cotton panties...which is fine with me - I am a basic kinda girl...but here is the thing - in my heart of hearts I am a Jockey Girl - I know I am a Size 6 in Jockey but how does that translate to Victoria Secret...so C and I sat there and pondered the sizes of VS underwear...we immediately threw out the extra-small, small and medium options...which left us with Large and Extra-Large...so we sat there - measured each against the other - took into consideration the size of my ass and the shrinkage factor of the underwear themselves...then I looked around...nothing in the store is deigned for a person larger than a 14...so that was easy Extra-large it was...if nothing else they could become my "Fat Day" panties...and besides they were FREE...
On the way out I tried my best to avoid Nordstorms...but I couldn't resist...$35 later i have a new Philiosophy Hair Care system...DAMN you Philiosophy....DAMN you Liz...ok Liz I don't Damn you - I luv ya...but you pimped me out girl...
So today I sit in my New Panties...which fit quite nicely and hubby liked the way it covered my ass (probably happy it covered the cellulite)...I think they will be perfect after a run through a very hot dryer and my girls are happily ensconced in their new desert sand colored $42 house (ok $32 with the coupon...DAMN that is a lot of money to spend on a Bra...)...tonight my hair will get it's first taste of expensive hair products...and for this my family will be subsiding on Spagetti and mac & cheese for the remainder of the month...
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