I think I birthed a Corleone…

So faithful readers of my little blog (all, what 3 of you??) may remember around this time last year PWG attempted to do a little Elf extortion

Well, every year we attend our church’s Holiday Bazaar. At the Bazaar they have a room where kids get to shop for {insert sarcasm here} simply lovely {end sarcasm} holiday gifts for family. Most items are $2 or less and the kids emerge with the gifts fully wrapped (i.e. brown paper bag and a few staples). The girls love doing this as they pick out the gifts on their own and TC and I are dually surprised come Christmas Morning (no matter how many times I drop the sucker the Tweety Bird Bell refuses to break).

In the past we have provided the girls with $5-6 to buy gifts – however for the past 2 years they have been receiving an allowance – so we decided this year they have to use their own money to purchase gifts…

Ummmm yeahhh – while the tightwad TW has quite a bundle in her wallet – the more carefree PWG is only sporting a few bills in hers…

So she told us she would do extra chores in order to earn extra money and as such presented us with this price list last night…



Personally I think .50 cents to clean up cat crap is a downright bargain…considering we have two cats and a litter box that needs scooping every day…

But my favorite is “Cleaning up Dead Things” – TC said he would take her when he goes hunting because he needs some help when he shoots his deer…PWG response was “that will cost extra…you have to read the fine print”

Now just to put your mind at ease it isn’t like we have a plethora of dead things around our house…I can only assuming she is thinking ahead to the Elf and what might occur if there is no candy…

Crafting - Chaos Style

So yesterday I showed off the Chocolately Goodness that were my Cocoa Cones...

A cone is great to give as a quick gift - to a neighbor, a co-worker, etc..., but what if you want something more...

Then I give you the Hot Chocolate for Two...

Quite a long time ago I came into possession of a few blank kraft cardboard drink holders - half were for holding two drinks and half were for four. They have been sitting in a box...staring at me...tauting me...saying USE ME USE ME

and use them I did...

I took the one that had room for 2 cups and decorated the outside with fun festive Designer Scrapbook paper (from Stampin' Up) and some stitched felt ribbon I found in the dollar bin at the big M's...and added a nice Holiday greeting and some jingle bells.

Then I added in two cute red and white mugs with a snowflake design I picked up at the Dollar Store.

Add in a Cocoa Cone in one side and a small bag of Holiday Chocolate topped with a sparkly chipboard snowflake in the other and VIOLA....

I made up four of these before I did my craft fairs - I brought them to the fairs thinking if they sell they sell - if not my teacher gifts are done...they all sold...YEAH...so I had to scramble a bit for what to give to teachers this year - luckly for me one of the class mom was taking donations to buy the teacher a new Kuerig machine...here you go here is my $10 - done easy peasy...

Here are a few more things that have been swirling around in the house of Chaos...

Fleece Tie Blankets...

There are 101 different types of directions to do these blankets - I read a few different versions and just winged it - in retrospect I should have cut the ties longer - but the girls love thier blankets

Fabric Wreath

I used the directions found at Moda Bake Shop - for my wreath I used Figgy Pudding by Basic Grey for Moda fabric

Decorated Bags

I found about a dozen small zippered cosmetic bags at my parents house over Thanksgiving...they orginally held Neutrogena samples - but now they were empty and once again I heard the tauting - USE ME USE ME... One side was mesh and the other side a clear plastic. I had a bought a bunch of smaller fun items for ny neices for thier Christmas present - Bubble bath, lipgloss, nailpolish, little bottle of perfume, a bracelet and a big bath puff...

What better than a personalized little bag to hold everything

I used my wonderful new Silhouette machine and some Bubblegum Oracle Vinyl

In the works

MELLY and ME Reindeer

I have the pieces of 6 Melly and Me Reindeer sewn- they still have to be stuffed, sewn shut, legs attached and have nose and eyes added...they are calling for snow all day on Saturday...what better time to stuff half dozen reindeer right?

BONUS KID CONVERSATIONS

Tuesday at school was crazy Hair Day - PWG choose to have 2 pigtails sticking straight up - upon getting home she took them out - but as us women know sometimes your hair just keeps sticking up...so she shouted "OMG daddy - look at my hair"

ME: What does OMG stand for (I know I just wondered what they thought
PWG & TW (in unison) : Oh My Gosh
ME: - oh Ok
TW: But sometimes it means Oh My That word you say alot (while pointing her little finger up towards the sky)

ummm yeah...maybe I need to make sure one of my New Years Resolution is saying Gosh more then That Other Word....

Wed. was "Twin Day" at my girls school - so on Tuesday while driving home from afterschool care I asked PWG what she needed to wear and was told "Jeans" so she could be twins with J - ummm PWG only wears dresses, leggings, skirts and skorts...the last time she wore a pair of jeans was when she was 2, because she had absolutely no say...whereas TW wears Jeans 99.89% of the time time - so while we were driving this occured

ME: You really are going to wear Jeans??
PWG: J doesn't have any leggings - all she has is Jeans
ME: I am soo getting a picture of you in Jeans
PWG: NOOOOOO - I will run away
ME: Then I will get a picture of you running away - in Jeans
PWG: FINE - but it better not show up on Facebook

Oye - raising kids in the 21st century....

a break in the Holiday overload

Thanks to all these crafty chicks who have blogs my mind is in Holiday Overload…

I have been storing ideas away – some I am running out of time to throw the project together in a exacting fashion…others I so totally want to do them NOW!!!!

But time…time is the enemy – I have to work (to pay for all the craftiness) – then when I get home I deal with 8 year old little girls with homework and Religious Ed class and Gymnastics and Brownies – oh yeah and one of them, PWG, received an early Christmas present from her aunt…her very own simple sewing machine…

So now I have to hover over to make sure she doesn’t sew her fingers together…

I set it up last night and after some curse muttering I finally got it threaded right and dug out some scraps for her to practice on…

The big smile – the look of pure unadulterated joy was worth every moment…

What could be better than that…

Well I left the room for about 10 minutes and came back to find both my girls sitting in the chair together with PWG “schooling” TW in the finer points of sewing a straight line – no fighting, no screams of “This is MINE”…and TW had that same big smile – the same look of joy…

You did good Aunt K…you did good

Channeling her inner Soprano

So with the start of December in our house the Santa Elf appears…

See isn’t he cute…

He was sent by Santa to keep an eye on PWG and TW and report back to Santa if they are being Naughty or Nice…

He is also in charge of our Advent Calendar – which hangs and has small mittens for each day leading up to Christmas – just big enough to slip 2 small pieces of candy in…

So if the girls behave they are awoken to the joy of being able to have a piece of candy first thing in the morning…

The other day PWG told me it doesn’t matter if she is good or not because there will be candy everyday…I called her bluff and said it was all up to the Elf – to which she informed me she had a contract with the Elf and showed me this…


Ummm yeah…more like an extortion letter than a contract…and see those numbers – when I asked what they were I was told “The Elf gave me his digits” . I told her that the Elf's handwritting looked alot like hers...her response "Prove it" - I asked why she signed it "ME" instead of her name...her response "The Elf knows who he is signing a contract with - no names needed"

Question is - if one day there aren’t any pieces of candy will the Elf find himself in the woods digging his own shallow grave?

And I leave you with a little taste

What to take a guess as to what I used these for????

You will just have to wait until tomorrow…

One down...One to go...

Craft Fairs that is...

In an attempt to actually support my crafting habit I am participating in 2 craft fairs this holiday season.

The first one was this past Saturday and I did OK...I ended up pricing some of my items on the lower end of what I would normally sell at...my thinking is I would rather sell it and make at least a few bucks...then bring it home and be out a few bucks - KWIM...

The thing about craft fairs is you have to know how to price your product - to high and people are going to bypass you - to low - while you sell all your stuff - by the time you minus out your costs (raw material, table rental/admission fee, standing around for most of a Saturday) in the end it just isn't worth it...

You may be asking...but what did you sell...oh my dears you will have to wait - I did take pictures of all the items I made...but if I show you it all now...what will I have to blog about in the coming weeks...

My plan - at least once per week I will be showing an item I made along with simple instructions on how you can do it at home. All my items are perfect for gift giving...some are fairly easy to buy the supplies and do it at home...others, well...

In the meantime - I am going to be doing a little housekeeping around the blog...going through the links there on right - making sure all of them work...I will also be adding more crafty sites to my blog roll - I have found some amazing craft bloggers (and my staker list gets a little bit longer every day...) over the past few weeks...If you would like to be added to my stalker blog list just leave me a message in the comments and I will add you on in...


Bonus Kid Comment

this weekend PWG went to the bathroom but for some reason she left the door open - personally I believe she has a bit of an exhibitionist in her - well TW decided to keep walking in front of the bathroom, which in turned made PWG girl mad...after telling TW to "STOP" a few times she finally belted out

"Close the door before I get my attitude on..."

but the way she said it...her attitude was already on and ready to go

Humans = Ferrets

On my mommy sanity board a question was asked about what could be done for a toddler who had a horrible cough. Being as said toddler is not quite a year and a half it limits the use of medicines. I wrote that I vaguely remembered reading something about rubbing Vicks Vapo Rub on the soles of your feet to help stop coughing.

Wait you say – Vicks to stop coughing…sure it helps you breath better but stop coughing…hey I am pretty skeptical myself – but there are weird things out there – for example did you know if you get a mild burn – throw some soy sauce on it…

So I turned to Google and found that the whole Vicks on the soles of the feet started as a chain e-mail (surprise) and there is no scientific proof it works…Some people have stated they have tried it and it has worked for them…Skeptics point out that the odor is strong so you may get a desired effect of reduced coughing no matter where on your body you slather it.

Then I came across this…

Myth: Slathering Vicks VapoRub on the soles of your feet will silence a cough
February 9, 2009 · No Comments

Reality: This “prescription” maintains a healthy life on the Internet. According to true believers, applying the cold remedy to the feet works 100 percent of the time. Not a chance, says Dr. Bruce Rubin of Wake Forest University, part of a research team that recently tested VapoRub on ferrets, which have airways similar to those of humans.

“I don’t know how Vicks on the feet would help a cold,” Rubin said. “I do know that if your nose runs and your feet smell, you are probably built upside down.” Chicken soup and TLC work better, Rubin notes.

My one question is this...they debunk the idea by the use of ferrets...FERRETS...question is what did they give them to make the little ferrets cough in the first place and then how do they know that maybe, just maybe the ferrets got some relief from having their paws slathered with Vicks.

Furthermore, how do you keep the Ferrets from licking the Vicks off…for some reason I have this image of poor little Ferrets strapped down spread eagle on little gurneys – each of their little paws in some sort of leather restraint…or do they just put a little “Silence of the Lambs” face mask on the Ferrets and let them thump around with Vick covered paws? {Note to self: Check U-Tube for video of Vick slathered Ferrets}

So does it work – who knows…next time I or someone in my family gets a bad cough I will probably try it - if nothing else, think of how soft your feet will be in the morning.


BONUS KID CONVERSATION

TW: Did you have a lot of boyfriends before Daddy
ME: Some not a lot
TW: Did you kiss all of them
ME: Yes
TW: Wow – so that means I can kiss a lot of boys before I get married too.

That in turn led into how old should one be before you kiss a boy…I asked PWG since TW, much to my chagrin, has already experienced her first kiss with a boy (and has been told if she does so again she might have her lips sewn together and she will have to drink her food through a straw) – and the response was…

PWG: 9th grade – unless he is really really cute
ME: {silence}

I am so not ready for the next phase of girlhood…

You Little Girl, are no friend of mine…

So last night while going over homework TW informs me that her little friend from afterschool care J told her that sometimes babies come out of your private parts.

Hearing this did not make me happy…Especially since when the girls asked how babies get out of a mommies belly I have used the explanation of "They cut your belly open and pull the baby out", complete with a veiwing of a C-section on an episode of A Baby Story. I thought I was in the clear for a little longer...

I am not an uptight mother…I do think my children should know about the birds and the bees, but when I am ready …not on the timetable of another 9 year old little girl.

Later on TW informed me that she hoped when she had a baby that it does come out of her private parts because it would hurt less...ahhh the dreams of the youth

This past summer I had a few discussions with mommy friends that have girls the same age as mine and how pretty soon we were going to have to pony up and divulge what being a woman is really like to our young charges…none of us is quite ready.

What lead to those discussions was TW asking me how babies are made. She didn’t understand how the babies get into the mommies tummy. I so wasn’t ready to go there. Even though I was able to successfully divert her attention with some chocolate, I know the day of truth is drawing nearer…

During a neighborhood party I asked our one neighbor who is a practicing general practitioner Doctor what would be the appropriate thing to say…after glancing at her 1 and 3 year old little girls I was told “When you figure it out let me know”.

I mean we have had the Animals Frolick conversation - but I am just not ready for this now…A good friend of mine suggested buying the American Girl Doll book “The Care and Keeping of You”…looks like Amazon will get more of my money…and I have another gift for under the tree this year*

*yes I am well aware that by giving a book about Puberty as a Christmas present will probably come back to haunt me…I figure I am helping some therapist down the line as “The Christmas my mom gave me a book about my changing body” will probably be good for at least 2 sessions…

The "S" word among other things

You just have to love how the mind of the innocent works…

The other day TW and PWG were having an argument…before I could break it up I heard TW say “I’m going to tell mom”

Oh goody – I get a whole rehash of the argument is fast speaking 8yearoldese…

BUT this is what happened

TW: MOM…PWG said the “S” word
ME: really now, why did she say it?
TW: she was talking to Max (the cat)

At this point I am thinking of the “S” word and how could that be applied to the cat…the only thing I could come up with is maybe she called the cat “a little shit”???

The conversation continued

ME: what is the “S” word
TW: I can’t say it – it is bad
ME: It is Ok just tell me
TW: Ok – Sassy

Yes…my daughter thinks the “S” word is Sassy

Even though I attempt to shield them they have been exposed to sex situations and violence and inappropriate language, but yet at their core they have yet to be corrupted – I am giving myself a pat on the back.

Bonus Conversation

Aglet - An aglet or aiglet is a small plastic or metal sheath typically found on each end of a shoelace, cord or drawstring. An aglet keeps the fibers of the lace or cord from unraveling, plus its firmness and narrow profile makes it both easier to hold and easier to feed through the eyelets, lugs or other lacing guides.

While waiting in line at Moe’s last night

TW: Darn I broke my aglet
ME: What?
TW: My aglet (as she shows me she has infact broke her aglet from her skort drawstring)
ME: How do you know that is an aglet?
TW: Phineas and Ferb

Then about 30 seconds later

TW: See I learn important things by watching TV, maybe I should watch it more often…

a sneek peek of Christmas....

So I saw THIS beautiful binded book over at Danielle's site Fat Cat Stamper - (go check out her work - FAB-U-LOUS)

Anyway I loved the look of her book and said hummm....I would love to do something similar - so here is my version....

Paper - Dashing (SU-retired), Vanilla (SU) Real Red (SU) Old Olive (SU)
Main Stamps- Season of Joy (SU), Merry and Bright (SU) Joy stamp (unknown)
Accessories - Binding Machine Scallop Punch (SU), Round Tab Punch (SU), flower stickers, Rhinestones

I spent the weekend getting my crafting area back into shape - so I can actually find stuff and not having to spend half my time looking for things to complete projects...

Coach Jenni - NOT

In another note...I am NOT the coach - upon arriving at the field on Saturday morning and being called "Coach Jenni" I was overtaken by about 6-7 dads...who fluttered around the field like a moth to a flame helping thier daughters to catch and hit and throw...I attempted to help TW with the catching and throwing, to th ebest of my ability with a bum shoulder, and was told I was throwing "too girly" - yes my 8 year old thinks I throw too girly...

and lastly I leave you with this conversation

TW: Can I have some dark Chocolate M&M's
ME: Yes you can have 5 or 6 of them
TW: can I have 10?
ME: NO
TW:Come on, I know you are a better mommy than that...

Really pitting my esteem as a mommy for a few extra M&M's...just for that I told her she could have none...suddenly 5-6 M&M's seemed like the perfect amount...

Bad Blogger...bad bad blogger....

Yeah I know - life is hectic and busy and full of crap...even more so when you are renovating...

When you say to yourself while in the middle of a renovation...

"Self you could save a few bucks if you do this project yourself"

DON'T LISTEN...seriously just don't....

So this past holiday weekend - DH and I decided to tackle the downstairs guest bathroom...really shouldn't have been so hard - new paint, a new sink and a new faucet...yeah well....

The room did get painted - along with lots of swear words tumbling from my mouth...and the sentence to TC "whatever we are paying the painters to paint upstairs is worth every single penny...I am NEVER painting again"

My thought was to put molding around the top...so we went to Lowes and picked it out...and well now I need to find a cool, funky border because cutting angles just ain't TC's thing....

And moving onto the sink...we got it sort of put together...well we got the faucet on the new pedastal sink...the sink however is still in two pieces in the garage...I have a distinct feeling that we will be having our contractor install the sink as orginally planned...

Painters are coming next week to paint our upstairs - the master bedroom, Rec Room and upstairs hallway...got all my craft crap out of my bedroom and actually sold my desk...now to start moving all the crap in the Rec Room...we have to have everything away from the walls - which wouldn't be such a bad thing if half the walls weren't covered by heavy bookcases filled with books, knick, knacks and other assorted junk...

Slowly but surely the renovation is moving along...

We have been taking some pictures - hope to post some soon...

On a sad note - my girls started SECOND grade this morning...seriously SECOND grade - they are growing up way way way to fast for me.....{sniff, sniff}

Am I the only one who has a kid that is a freak?

SO TW can not wait to go back to school….

She has me marking each day off as we get closer and closer to Sept 2nd.

She whines and cries about how far away it is and can’t the summer hurry up so she can go back to school.

I bought her a summer workbook – full of math and science and language arts designed for kids going into 2nd grade…she is almost done with it.

This morning she asked if I could print her off some math worksheets for the weekend.

MATH WORKSHEETS…

What does PWG think of all this…she thinks TW is nuts too.

Strawberry Fields Forever...

TW and PWG picking over fields and fields of strawberries...

Now what to do with the TON of fresh strawberries we have picked...already made my semi-famous strawberry-rhubarb pie and have a recipe for Strawberry bread...

Childrearing in 2008

Scene: Driving TW to get her hair cut - stop at a red light - to our left is a cemetary

TW: Is that where Uncle John is?
ME: Now he is somewhere else.
TW: In our hearts right?
ME: Yes...

later on...

TW: How do people know how to get to Heaven when they die
ME: They just know somehow
TW: Do they use GPS?

Living with a Hunter - Take 2

I swear....

So DH was going Turkey hunting today...so he had all his stuff out in the garage...which he leaves out in open site...

What does PWG go and do...she "releases" all the turkey decoys from the bag...Appearently she felt they couldn't breath so she removed them all from the bag and situated them all around the garage...

Nothing scares you like opening up your garage door to a gaggle of turkeys.

OH but it gets better...

SO I took TW to run an errand and when we get back PWG and TC are doing something in the garden and PWG has something in her hand...

she puts it to her lips and blows and a horrendous sounds comes out

I soon learn it is a deer rutting call

TW is all over it so PWG gives it to her and says

"Blow it and I'll pretend I am a deer and daddy can shoot me"

ummmmmmmmmmmmmm

So TW blows it - PWG is on our neighbors lawn crawling around yelling "Shoot me Daddy...shoot me"...

to which after being egged on for a minute or two TC points at her and says "Bang"

PWG looks at him as says "You missed me"

ahhh just like reality....

I am running away...

and I may never come back...

This weekend is my annual Mothers of Multiples convention...it is a regional convention of which about 20 or so clubs gather for a weekend...

Imagine if you will about 200+ mothers of twins, triplets OR MORE all in one place....

There better be some damn nice mattresses and some free flowing alcohol....cause 48 hours aways from the kids...all anyone wants to do is sleep and drink...seminars be damned...

I have to say, lately, being a mom sort of sucks...

I mean you are sort of prepared for the non-sleep, spit-up, messy diaper period that is babyhood...everyone warns of the "terrible twos" but no one to date warned me about the

SUCKTASTIC SIXES (and SEVENS)

seriously my girls are driving me nuts....the 'tude is really off the scale...with all the "I don't have to do what you say"... the "I don't wanta's"...the whiney "but everyone else gets to..." and then the gimme's....I swear ask them to do a simple task and the response is "Whatcha' going to give me"

Add in asking them to do the same thing 101 different times - only to wind up doing it yourself...

Seems I am not alone either - in a discussion with my PIM's (Pyscho Internet Moms) who all have children about the same age as mine are dealing with some of the same issues...

so what does that do to a person - turns them into a very yelly mom...

and I don't like being a yelly mom

My co-worker and I were discussing our kid problems and she told me she was on strike...YEP on strike - seems this past Monday she had had enough and decided to go on strike - that she was tired of telling her kids time and time again to do something or remind them of something only to not have it done...HOWEVER...she did not get yelly...oh no - she said in her house growing up she and her sister didn't really pay attention when her mom yelled at them....but when her mom cried that is when they knew her mom meant business...so she in effect channeled her mom and cried...and cried and told her kids she was on strike...

I asked a friend with older twins why no one warns you about the Sucktastic Sixes...she said it is because they are to busy dealing with the Egotistical Eights to warn those behind them...

joy...something to look forward to

when your SO is a hunter....

When I first meet TC I had no idea of the sheer magnitude of his love for hunting...part of it might have been the ban against firearms in dorm rooms...

As we started getting serious I got a peek into the madness that is hunting...

Now I must confess I did take a shooting class in college...which I took with 4 of my sorority sisters...(after which the teacher made a ruling stating no more than 2 sorority sisters per any one of his classes...I have to admit that was a wise decision on his part cause 5 giggly girls with firearms is a bit of a hazard...) - when TC and I were living in sin he joined a shooting club and on occassion I went with him...

oh yeah the rush of something long and hard in your hands...anyway I digress....

Anyway I soon learned my scheduale would be arranged around hunting seasons...deer, turkey, other small rodent like creatures...and for the most part I don't mind...

The thing is now that we have Uber-cable and now have access to 27 different outdoor and hunting type channels TC can fuel his hunting madness basically 24/7...and that is rubbing off on the girls...

The other day I came home to TC and the girls sitting watching TV...

Spongebob - Nope
Hannah Montanta - Nope
iCarly - Nope

but rather some hunting show where they were going after bears....

so the guy has this poor bear lined up in his sites and I hear a little voice saying "Shoot...shoot....shoot" and then the poor bear falls to the ground and I hear the same voice saying "Yeahhhhhhh"

I look over and see PWG pumping her little fists in the air

Seriously....I asked her if she understood the poor bear was dead...she looks at me with those blue eyes and says "no they didn't Daddy told me it's all pretend"

I just didn't say a word....

BTW - if you have ever had reason to come across a "Hunter Dan" doll (see picture above) TC bares a freaky resemblance to the doll - goatee and all...to wit we currently have 2 Hunter Dan dolls in our midst...they usually hang out with the Barbies (and never turn thier backs on Ken {wink, wink}) The one of the best scenes ever was PWG with about 6 NAKED barbies all fanned out in a semi circle...while she "walked" a Hunter Dan doll around them...I asked "What are you doing" - her response "He's looking for a girlfriend"

****************************************************************
Hunting conversation from the dinner table

PWG: Daddy, have you ever killed a rabbit?
TC: Yep
PWG: what about a squirral?
TC: Yep
PWG: Yeah Mommy's killed one too...she hit it with the car and then said "Oh Crap"

Delving Deeper into Mommydom

So last night while TW was digging through her notebook she told me she had something for me…

Uhh OK

And so she handed me a note…

What did said note say.

Deer Mom and Dad.

Please let me git my eers pirced. Everyone else has theer eers pirced.

Oh yes – it has begun…

EVERYBODY ELSE HAS….

Once again I figured we had some time before the gimmees and wants and the EVERYBODY ELSE GETS TO…came on strong…

But I was wrong and confronted full face last night…all written up in 1st grade grammar and writing.

My response was “well I am sure not EVERYONE has their ears pierced”

To which TW responded…”Oh yes – Riley, Laura, Katie, Jenna all have their ears pierced”

And I said “Well PWG doesn’t have her ears pierced” {to which PWG girl piped up and stated she didn’t want her ears pierced}

And in response I got “PWG doesn’t count – she isn’t included with EVERYONE” – out of the mouth of babes…

So of course I responded with the question that is encoded in every mommies DNA

“If all your friends jumped off a cliff would you”

And TW with her smark-alec self said “No – that would be stupid – what does that have to do with getting my ears pierced”

Ummmm nothing….

Anyway the answer was NO…I told her maybe in a few years…but for now I have enough to deal with and quite frankly I don’t think someone who can’t even remember to flush the toilet 60% of the time is ready for the responsibility of pierced ears…

Freedom...sweet freedom

It is Spring Break this week – and you know what that means…

NO HOMEWORK….

That is right – no hassling my kids about their spelling lists…no having to sit there for 20 minutes listening to some insane kids book…no projects…no math homework…

Yeah for ME!!!!!

Yeah sure it is Spring Break for the kids – but come on let’s face it 1st graders don’t do their homework alone…they want mommy or daddy right there to help them…

Although they have gotten better over the past year and manage to do 50% of their homework on their own now (VS 0% the first 2 months of school)– we still have to look over their homework and decipher what their sentences say…

ME: PWG…what are you trying to say in this sentence “I lik too eet big peenuss”
PWG: I like to eat big peanuts
ME: OH…well let’s get that eraser out and fix some spellings…

Don’t even get me started about the lovely drawings of “peanuts” she did with PEENUSS spelled above it…you have imaginations - use them…

Granted 1st grade homework isn’t that hard…but you try telling an OCD – perfectionism rules child, such as TW is, that she made a mistake…oh all hell breaks loose…I will admit more than once I have let something go that I know was wrong just so I don’t have to deal with the whining and the frustration coming from a 50lb shedevil-child – after all we are supposed to learn from our mistakes, right?…and college ain’t going to be looking at 1st grade transcripts.

Last night I got home and looked around and felt so relaxed…no rushing to see who has what homework…so trying to listen to 2 kids read their books out loud while trying to prepare dinner…no last minute wails of “I forgot to do XYZ and I need to do it for tomorrow” as we are tucking them into bed…

I giggle with anticipation for this evening….

VIVA LA SPRING BREAK!!!!

Because the roofer peed I got new shoes....

Last weekend we had high winds here on Friday and Saturday...

I was at the twins yardsale Friday night and all day Saturday...get home about 5pm on Sat and notice a hella' bunch of shingles on the driveway...

Get inside and TC tells me he has contacted our roofing guy (who we had out last year to repair our leaky roof and last month during the last wind storm to replace a few shingles from the front of the house) and he would come out to take a look in the morning...I really start freaking because the last time we had him out to replace like 3 shingles on the front of the house it cost us $125 and there was a whole huge patch missing this time (F'n wind) - I calm down a little when I realize we actually have a little wiggle room in our budget this month...

So 9AM on Sunday morning (really 8 am to me...) I wake up to the dog barking ... go downstairs and find TC talking with the roofer...then the roofer leaves....hummm

So TC tells me that the roofer will be back but we have a problem...Turns out roofer guy jumped our fence .... TC didn't even know he was at our house until PWG piped up and told him someone was in our backyard!!!!

So TC gets up to look out the window and realizes roofer is taking a leak behind our shed...Now our backyard is WIDE open...many other homes can see directly INTO our backyard because thier houses sit higher and the lot behind ours is the drain field on the cul-de-sac - so NO cover...

TC is livid and goes out to have words and explain that peeing behind our shed is NOT appropriate and that we have young girls...the guy apologizes and says he had a lot of coffee - TC tells him that he could have knocked and used our bathroom with no problem...and the fact that he jumped the fence our dog could have attacked him (ha ha ha more like licked him to death) - but still (we do have Beware of dog signs)

So the guy is very apologitic and says he realizes we are good customers and that he will fix our roof for free. TC tells me he thinks we shouldn't ever hire him again...I point out that the guy came over on a freakin SUNDAY morning to fix our roof...

So anyway the guy had to leave to get the right shingles and comes back about 11am...to which we get 2 calls from neighbors wondering how the hell did we get someone to come and fix our roof on a Sunday morning...

Needless to say when I called home at 2pm (the girls and I had to go to a girl scout cookie booth sale) TC told me the roofer was still in the neighborhood fixing his 4th house for the day.....seems once he was done with ours - he went to our two neighbors and then someone saw him working on our neighbors house and well...who knows how many more he might have done as he worked his way further into the neighborhood...

So yes he did fix our house for Free...but somehow I think he more than made up for his "loss"

So on Monday in the mail we get the Kohls flyer - I will readily admit it I am a Kohls whore...especially around Clearence time...and it had one of those - 15-20 or 30% off things on the front cover...so I slowly peel the sticker away to reveal a 30% off - good for this Thursday through Sunday.....

Whooo Hoooo

Now that we don't have to pay for the roof to be fixed we can certainly spend some of that "wiggle room" money - Momma needs a new pair of shoes...

However...karma is a bitch...

I am currently living on 3 hours of not so good sleep...ended up taking PWG to the ER at 3am this morning - she had started complaining at 7pm while we were at Kohls that her tummy hurt - we asked all the pertinent questions and just thought it was a small tummy ache and it would go away as she slept...

Well she moaned most of the evening while sleeping...wound up in my bed at about midnight...at about 3 she really started whimpering and I felt her tummy again and it had a hardness to it so I told TC I would take her to the ER - while I was getting dressed she puked (luckly into a trash can)

so from 3 until 6 we were at the ER with a few more puking incidents (one of which occured while she was on the pot...she leaned over and puked right in her underwear between her legs...needless to say I just threw those away)

Got the diagnosis of the stomach flu with a slight UTI...joy...

the Dr. wished us luck and mentioned that anti-nasuea pills he prescribed SHOULD an adult need to take one to take the whole thing and not split it in half...double joy on that...

So now every little twing in my stomache is making me think "Am I next?"

where did I put my apron - I think I need my tequila now...

Curse of the Mother F’n Binder…

Note to all those who don’t have children yet in school…

When they get to a point where one of the school supply items is a notebook…

And that notebook will be traveling back and forth, back and forth every day…

Buy about 6 of them – I know on the sheet it will say 1 notebook…but trust me on this

After a week in the hands of a 6 year old it will look like it was used as a bullet shield during a gangland shootout…

The girls notebooks were falling apart – every other day I would tape them back up with packing tape and send them on their merry little way…until the day they came home in 3 pieces…

Damn now I am going to have to go buy new binders…

Not that I hadn’t been looking but I swear the week after school starts you go from having your choice of 1000 different binders for $1.50 each to your choice of 2 for $5+ each…hence why I totally tried to ER the binders with packing tape…

So Tuesday the day was at hand we HAD to go buy new binders…hate the place as I might I said “we are going to Wal-mart” cause surely the binders will be cheaper there…

Well we all as a family walk into Wal-mart via the far end “seasonal” area and are instantly reminded of why we don’t like our Wal-mart…

Girl : Ummm don’t walk that way {pointing towards the cash registers}
Me: Why did something spill?
Girl: No there is a big-ass fight

Sure enough we look up and all we can see is a massive throng of people and a lots and lots of shouting…

Look at TC and say – well lets head back towards the craft section first – if we hear shots we can duck out by the automotive department…

Hear lots of intercom messages for all available employees to head to the front of the store…while we are walking to the back of the store the place was deserted…no one in the isles…nothing like a good fight to make people scurry to watch…

After about 5 minutes the shouting stopped (the police must of brought in the dogs because we could clearly hear dogs barking) and we gathered the rest of the items we needed to buy – including 2 new binders – where even at Wal-mart they cost over $3…

So what happens on Wednesday…we pull out TW binder to find that half of the bottom ring had somehow broken off…well crap…I am NOT going back to Walmart…and it really can’t be used…all the while TW is crying “I love my binder…Miss A. thinks it is pretty….I can’t get rid of it”

Umm yes we are – I don’t need you snagging you hand on the mangled edge of half a ring…

So before TW’s therapy session (yes therapy…I am starting her young…) I said we will go to Target and get a binder…much to my chagrin I have been doing my best to stay away from the $40 store…(you know you go in for one little thing and next thing you know you are leaving carrying $40 of crap…)…so we go in to Target…

Our choices – plain, pink or a colorful striped and polka dot one…I try my best to get her to go for the pink one or the colorful one…I even offer to buy her the matching folder so she could have a new homework folder…umm no dice…not cute…not flowery…not pretty…Oh CRIST ON A CRUTCH

So I say - Ok we will go to OfficeMax…where momma might have to take out a loan to buy a friggen binder…Now there are a few more choice at OfficeMax…but then we get to “I like the outside of this one…but I like the inside of this one…do you think they have pink?” NO NO NO this is what they have for the love of all that is good and mighty just friggin pick one…

Ok I’ll take the pink one from Target..

WHAT – seriously (now do you sort of understand why therapy)

So we go to her therapy session where the therapist takes one look at me and says “You don’t look so good” – really now…do you want to hear about the curse of the Mother F’ binder?