Like a deer in headlights…

So today at work I had some stuff to do on a special computer we have. Said computer is in a room at the front of our section that has a big picture window to the hallway.

So I gathered up my stuff, including my MP3 player and headed towards the dungeon.

Now, I must tell you my MP3 player is a little psycho. I have quite a wide variety of songs in it because I like to download other people’s playlists from Rhapsody, in addition to the songs I like and of course the sanity saving kids songs I have downloaded on my little thing.

So that being said I have quite a large variety of ALL different types of music on my player. It gets quite interesting when I sit back and hit “shuffle”. I go from rocking out to “Crazy Bitch” or “Moneymaker” to “I’ve Got a Song in my Tummy” or “Monster Boogie”…

So today I am sitting in a dark room, looking at a computer and rocking out to some songs…”Them Bones” – great song oh yes “Basketcase” – one of my all time faves…and then a song comes on…humm I haven’t heard that one in a while…oh yeah it is sort of catchy…and I start bopping around….

About a minute later I turn around and I am startled by one of the “big guys” (you know the ones with offices in the “Administration” section)…and he asks “What are you listening to?”

Ummmm wellll…there I was caught…like a deer in headlights

What was I doing?

I was MMMBopping….

Yes yes I was MMMBopping….

I guess it could have been worse – I could have been Wang Chunging???

Actually since they have cut their hair and grown up a little they don't look half-bad....a little MMMyummy

Avoiding Death –Take 2

So yet another Multiples club outing and another chance for me to almost bite the big one…

Setting – Skateland

Now I must admit in my younger years I was a kickass rollerskater…I could even skate backwards…and with my pink roller skates with the white glitter pom-poms I was the ultimate of early 80’s hipness

However that was many many many many…did I say many years ago…

Last Saturday I took PWG and TW to the roller rink…paid the money and got my death on eight wheels…

Got the girls laced up and then it was my turn…just when I thought there was nothing nastier than rental bowling shoes I was shown otherwise…

Ok got them laced up and up on my feet and BAM on my ass…

Well crap

Yah know when you are a big gal it is a little hard to get yourself up off the floor…try it with 8 wheels attached to your feet and it is a site to behold…luckily I was close to the bench so I used that to pull myself up on…

Anyway it took some wobbly turns around the rink and things started coming back to me…like riding a bike…

And everything was all well and good until my little ones started hanging on me…that totally kills your sense of balance…which in turn caused me to go BAM in the middle of the Skateland floor…

Well crap

So I am looking around and find I am about 10 ft from the side of the rink…what else could I do – I start to crawl across the floor…you would think that a friend might be able to help me..no? Well R would have if she hadn’t been doubled over laughing & saying “I think I am going to pee myself” – meanwhile people are still zipping past me and I am praying no one gets too close to my hands with their wheels of death because well I like to use them for things…

So I get to the side and right myself…and tell TW and PWG if they think they are going to fall to abandon the SS Mommy so as not to take her down with them…and that worked…
For awhile

Until the time TW “forgot” to let go – unfortunately instead of falling backward on my cushion of an ass I went smack down to the front – right smack on my kneecap and elbow

Well crap

So I lie there for a second until the skate Nazi comes by and tells me “ummm madam you can’t just lie in the middle of the rink” – really…no shit Sherlock and freakin’ don’t call me madam..nevermind I realized he was all of about 14 years old…you know you are old when you look at a teenager and realize that you are in fact old enough to be their mother…without being pregnant in your teenage years yourself…

So I once again somehow get my body in an upright position and make it to the outside of the rink so I can examine my knee…no blood and I can move it – although currently it is a nice mottled shade of yellowish/green.

In the end I had fun – really I did…I would even think about going back. Humm I wonder if I can find a pair of pink skates with white glitter pom-poms?

What’s most important to you…

The other day TC and I were discussing many things

One being our budget as we are trying to decide if we can afford to put an addition on to our house…a big beautiful addition filled with new kitchen cabinets and shiny awesome appliances and maybe…just maybe…a man-cave for TC underneath the addition…

Dreams are a good thing right?

We got on the discussion of our “vacations” for this year – aka who are we going to mootch off of…

Easter – my parents in NC…close enough for a quick visit..drop off their girl scout cookies and the added plus is they have a skeeball machine that the girls love to play…although my mother might make me bring our Wii so she can once again attempt to rule at bowling…she is so darn competitive…

June – back to NC cause my lil’ sis is getting married…I asked not to be a bridesmaid as my Size 14 ass and 34 year old body would not look so good next to the Size 2 asses on the 20 something bodies…the girls however are going to be freakin adorable – A-DOR-A-BLE as little flower girls…white dresses and all…

July – off to the IL’s for 4th of July…{note to self…see if I can score some Valium before July 4}

August – a possible roadtrip to Florida…yes we are insane why ever do you ask…we figure a night or two stop over in Savannah for delicious food and maybe a quick trip to the Girl Scout museum for the girls…so they can have yet another patch for their Brownie vest. Wind up in Fl at my grandparents and spend a few days there…Not into trying to do Disney…so we are thinking maybe a trip to Cape Canaveral (when I told the girls G’Pa Bill used to work with Astronauts they got all excited) and a trip to GATORLAND!!!!

Now one might ask whatever would possess us to drive 13 hours one way in a car with two 7 year olds in the middle of August…

Family – my grandparents aren’t getting any younger – even if they are in their 80’s and still play golf almost everyday and the opportunity for my girls to even have a chance to spend time with their great-grandparents is worth it…

Family is also the reason I had to stick to my guns and claim Thanksgiving with my family.

Growing up Thanksgiving was just a day – it was a day we got together and stuffed ourselves…our table was very unusual from year to year as we always filled it with family friends…the most unusual year would be the one where our guests included not only a Catholic Monsignor but also a young gay couple – ah if only my Boy George impersonating great uncle could of made it that year…that would have been one hella’ of a good time…

Anyway for our immediate family Christmas was the special time – the Christmas Eve rituals – the joking and conversation on Christmas morning…

When TC and I first got married I didn’t care about being with my family so much at Thanksgiving but I wanted Christmas…

However 2 years ago the week before Christmas my brother was involved in a fatal car accident…Christmas would never be the same for our family.

Over the past 2 years Thanksgiving has morphed into a whole new meaning for my immediate family…we realize now that life and loss go hand in hand and what Thanksgiving really means to us…Family and being together…so I told TC – he can have Christmas but I am not giving up my new Thanksgiving.

Curse of the Mother F’n Binder…

Note to all those who don’t have children yet in school…

When they get to a point where one of the school supply items is a notebook…

And that notebook will be traveling back and forth, back and forth every day…

Buy about 6 of them – I know on the sheet it will say 1 notebook…but trust me on this

After a week in the hands of a 6 year old it will look like it was used as a bullet shield during a gangland shootout…

The girls notebooks were falling apart – every other day I would tape them back up with packing tape and send them on their merry little way…until the day they came home in 3 pieces…

Damn now I am going to have to go buy new binders…

Not that I hadn’t been looking but I swear the week after school starts you go from having your choice of 1000 different binders for $1.50 each to your choice of 2 for $5+ each…hence why I totally tried to ER the binders with packing tape…

So Tuesday the day was at hand we HAD to go buy new binders…hate the place as I might I said “we are going to Wal-mart” cause surely the binders will be cheaper there…

Well we all as a family walk into Wal-mart via the far end “seasonal” area and are instantly reminded of why we don’t like our Wal-mart…

Girl : Ummm don’t walk that way {pointing towards the cash registers}
Me: Why did something spill?
Girl: No there is a big-ass fight

Sure enough we look up and all we can see is a massive throng of people and a lots and lots of shouting…

Look at TC and say – well lets head back towards the craft section first – if we hear shots we can duck out by the automotive department…

Hear lots of intercom messages for all available employees to head to the front of the store…while we are walking to the back of the store the place was deserted…no one in the isles…nothing like a good fight to make people scurry to watch…

After about 5 minutes the shouting stopped (the police must of brought in the dogs because we could clearly hear dogs barking) and we gathered the rest of the items we needed to buy – including 2 new binders – where even at Wal-mart they cost over $3…

So what happens on Wednesday…we pull out TW binder to find that half of the bottom ring had somehow broken off…well crap…I am NOT going back to Walmart…and it really can’t be used…all the while TW is crying “I love my binder…Miss A. thinks it is pretty….I can’t get rid of it”

Umm yes we are – I don’t need you snagging you hand on the mangled edge of half a ring…

So before TW’s therapy session (yes therapy…I am starting her young…) I said we will go to Target and get a binder…much to my chagrin I have been doing my best to stay away from the $40 store…(you know you go in for one little thing and next thing you know you are leaving carrying $40 of crap…)…so we go in to Target…

Our choices – plain, pink or a colorful striped and polka dot one…I try my best to get her to go for the pink one or the colorful one…I even offer to buy her the matching folder so she could have a new homework folder…umm no dice…not cute…not flowery…not pretty…Oh CRIST ON A CRUTCH

So I say - Ok we will go to OfficeMax…where momma might have to take out a loan to buy a friggen binder…Now there are a few more choice at OfficeMax…but then we get to “I like the outside of this one…but I like the inside of this one…do you think they have pink?” NO NO NO this is what they have for the love of all that is good and mighty just friggin pick one…

Ok I’ll take the pink one from Target..

WHAT – seriously (now do you sort of understand why therapy)

So we go to her therapy session where the therapist takes one look at me and says “You don’t look so good” – really now…do you want to hear about the curse of the Mother F’ binder?

My dirty little secret...

I have a dirty little secret…

Yes it is true I am harboring a dirty little secret…

See I am doing something that I am not proud of…that no one really knows about…not my family…not my friends.

I was introduced to it by accident…at first I thought I was too old for it…after all I have lived my life…been stuck to frat house floors…been a champion jello sucker – you know all of that…

But the lure of it…I thought well I’ll just try it once….

JUST ONCE…(I told myself)

But it gave me such a high…a goddamn high I tell you…I felt alive and invincible….

It wasn’t long before I was going back again and again…

The other night TC took the girls to their religious Ed class and for a whole hour I indulged in my dirty little secret…

And yes…I am ready to admit my dirty little secret, my new addiction…

Webkinz

Damn little horse and unicorn…I have been secretly logging in under the girls screen names so I can play the arcade games

Wonder Wheel
Cash Cow 1 AND 2
Triple Strike Solitare
Wacky Zingoz
Stackem Solitare
Polar Plunge
Wishing Well

I love them all….

But surely I can’t be alone….other mommies are harboring the same dirty little secret..

right?

Luckly, the girls aren't really aware yet that every time they log in they seem to have a lot more money than the last time they played…all they care about is if they have enough money to buy a TV or a bathtub or a fancy couch…

Yes…thanks to mommy’s little addiction you can buy that big screen TV for your virtual Unicorn webkinz…

I have bought them each a new Webkinz for Valentines day…but the question I have to really ask myself…is it for them for really for ME….