One site I like to frequent is called BEST OF CRAIGSLIST
It is a cumulative spot where well the best postings of Craiglist can be found...in some cases it is items people are looking to sell...in other cases they are mindless rants that make soda shoot out of my nose as I giggle too hard...
some of my favorites from the past few months - (just click the link - sit back and enjoy)
PINK VAGINA COUCH - in all actuality it looks quite comfy - it would probably be the perfect addition to any lesbian home.
CARTON OF IRREGULAR CAT HATS - ummm anyone else going for the theory the cat committed suicide?
GRANNY PORN - just one word EWWWWWW....
ON THE PROWL - some people just don't have standards....
FARTING DOG - this one had tears of laughter coming from my eyes
CONCEITED PENIS - daymn
There are many many many others....so go goof off and read :)
Happy Thursday!!!
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Freedom...sweet freedom
It is Spring Break this week – and you know what that means…
NO HOMEWORK….
That is right – no hassling my kids about their spelling lists…no having to sit there for 20 minutes listening to some insane kids book…no projects…no math homework…
Yeah for ME!!!!!
Yeah sure it is Spring Break for the kids – but come on let’s face it 1st graders don’t do their homework alone…they want mommy or daddy right there to help them…
Although they have gotten better over the past year and manage to do 50% of their homework on their own now (VS 0% the first 2 months of school)– we still have to look over their homework and decipher what their sentences say…
ME: PWG…what are you trying to say in this sentence “I lik too eet big peenuss”
PWG: I like to eat big peanuts
ME: OH…well let’s get that eraser out and fix some spellings…
Don’t even get me started about the lovely drawings of “peanuts” she did with PEENUSS spelled above it…you have imaginations - use them…
Granted 1st grade homework isn’t that hard…but you try telling an OCD – perfectionism rules child, such as TW is, that she made a mistake…oh all hell breaks loose…I will admit more than once I have let something go that I know was wrong just so I don’t have to deal with the whining and the frustration coming from a 50lb shedevil-child – after all we are supposed to learn from our mistakes, right?…and college ain’t going to be looking at 1st grade transcripts.
Last night I got home and looked around and felt so relaxed…no rushing to see who has what homework…so trying to listen to 2 kids read their books out loud while trying to prepare dinner…no last minute wails of “I forgot to do XYZ and I need to do it for tomorrow” as we are tucking them into bed…
I giggle with anticipation for this evening….
VIVA LA SPRING BREAK!!!!
NO HOMEWORK….
That is right – no hassling my kids about their spelling lists…no having to sit there for 20 minutes listening to some insane kids book…no projects…no math homework…
Yeah for ME!!!!!
Yeah sure it is Spring Break for the kids – but come on let’s face it 1st graders don’t do their homework alone…they want mommy or daddy right there to help them…
Although they have gotten better over the past year and manage to do 50% of their homework on their own now (VS 0% the first 2 months of school)– we still have to look over their homework and decipher what their sentences say…
ME: PWG…what are you trying to say in this sentence “I lik too eet big peenuss”
PWG: I like to eat big peanuts
ME: OH…well let’s get that eraser out and fix some spellings…
Don’t even get me started about the lovely drawings of “peanuts” she did with PEENUSS spelled above it…you have imaginations - use them…
Granted 1st grade homework isn’t that hard…but you try telling an OCD – perfectionism rules child, such as TW is, that she made a mistake…oh all hell breaks loose…I will admit more than once I have let something go that I know was wrong just so I don’t have to deal with the whining and the frustration coming from a 50lb shedevil-child – after all we are supposed to learn from our mistakes, right?…and college ain’t going to be looking at 1st grade transcripts.
Last night I got home and looked around and felt so relaxed…no rushing to see who has what homework…so trying to listen to 2 kids read their books out loud while trying to prepare dinner…no last minute wails of “I forgot to do XYZ and I need to do it for tomorrow” as we are tucking them into bed…
I giggle with anticipation for this evening….
VIVA LA SPRING BREAK!!!!
Friday, March 14, 2008
Because the roofer peed I got new shoes....
Last weekend we had high winds here on Friday and Saturday...
I was at the twins yardsale Friday night and all day Saturday...get home about 5pm on Sat and notice a hella' bunch of shingles on the driveway...
Get inside and TC tells me he has contacted our roofing guy (who we had out last year to repair our leaky roof and last month during the last wind storm to replace a few shingles from the front of the house) and he would come out to take a look in the morning...I really start freaking because the last time we had him out to replace like 3 shingles on the front of the house it cost us $125 and there was a whole huge patch missing this time (F'n wind) - I calm down a little when I realize we actually have a little wiggle room in our budget this month...
So 9AM on Sunday morning (really 8 am to me...) I wake up to the dog barking ... go downstairs and find TC talking with the roofer...then the roofer leaves....hummm
So TC tells me that the roofer will be back but we have a problem...Turns out roofer guy jumped our fence .... TC didn't even know he was at our house until PWG piped up and told him someone was in our backyard!!!!
So TC gets up to look out the window and realizes roofer is taking a leak behind our shed...Now our backyard is WIDE open...many other homes can see directly INTO our backyard because thier houses sit higher and the lot behind ours is the drain field on the cul-de-sac - so NO cover...
TC is livid and goes out to have words and explain that peeing behind our shed is NOT appropriate and that we have young girls...the guy apologizes and says he had a lot of coffee - TC tells him that he could have knocked and used our bathroom with no problem...and the fact that he jumped the fence our dog could have attacked him (ha ha ha more like licked him to death) - but still (we do have Beware of dog signs)
So the guy is very apologitic and says he realizes we are good customers and that he will fix our roof for free. TC tells me he thinks we shouldn't ever hire him again...I point out that the guy came over on a freakin SUNDAY morning to fix our roof...
So anyway the guy had to leave to get the right shingles and comes back about 11am...to which we get 2 calls from neighbors wondering how the hell did we get someone to come and fix our roof on a Sunday morning...
Needless to say when I called home at 2pm (the girls and I had to go to a girl scout cookie booth sale) TC told me the roofer was still in the neighborhood fixing his 4th house for the day.....seems once he was done with ours - he went to our two neighbors and then someone saw him working on our neighbors house and well...who knows how many more he might have done as he worked his way further into the neighborhood...
So yes he did fix our house for Free...but somehow I think he more than made up for his "loss"
So on Monday in the mail we get the Kohls flyer - I will readily admit it I am a Kohls whore...especially around Clearence time...and it had one of those - 15-20 or 30% off things on the front cover...so I slowly peel the sticker away to reveal a 30% off - good for this Thursday through Sunday.....
Whooo Hoooo
Now that we don't have to pay for the roof to be fixed we can certainly spend some of that "wiggle room" money - Momma needs a new pair of shoes...
However...karma is a bitch...
I am currently living on 3 hours of not so good sleep...ended up taking PWG to the ER at 3am this morning - she had started complaining at 7pm while we were at Kohls that her tummy hurt - we asked all the pertinent questions and just thought it was a small tummy ache and it would go away as she slept...
Well she moaned most of the evening while sleeping...wound up in my bed at about midnight...at about 3 she really started whimpering and I felt her tummy again and it had a hardness to it so I told TC I would take her to the ER - while I was getting dressed she puked (luckly into a trash can)
so from 3 until 6 we were at the ER with a few more puking incidents (one of which occured while she was on the pot...she leaned over and puked right in her underwear between her legs...needless to say I just threw those away)
Got the diagnosis of the stomach flu with a slight UTI...joy...
the Dr. wished us luck and mentioned that anti-nasuea pills he prescribed SHOULD an adult need to take one to take the whole thing and not split it in half...double joy on that...
So now every little twing in my stomache is making me think "Am I next?"
where did I put my apron - I think I need my tequila now...
I was at the twins yardsale Friday night and all day Saturday...get home about 5pm on Sat and notice a hella' bunch of shingles on the driveway...
Get inside and TC tells me he has contacted our roofing guy (who we had out last year to repair our leaky roof and last month during the last wind storm to replace a few shingles from the front of the house) and he would come out to take a look in the morning...I really start freaking because the last time we had him out to replace like 3 shingles on the front of the house it cost us $125 and there was a whole huge patch missing this time (F'n wind) - I calm down a little when I realize we actually have a little wiggle room in our budget this month...
So 9AM on Sunday morning (really 8 am to me...) I wake up to the dog barking ... go downstairs and find TC talking with the roofer...then the roofer leaves....hummm
So TC tells me that the roofer will be back but we have a problem...Turns out roofer guy jumped our fence .... TC didn't even know he was at our house until PWG piped up and told him someone was in our backyard!!!!
So TC gets up to look out the window and realizes roofer is taking a leak behind our shed...Now our backyard is WIDE open...many other homes can see directly INTO our backyard because thier houses sit higher and the lot behind ours is the drain field on the cul-de-sac - so NO cover...
TC is livid and goes out to have words and explain that peeing behind our shed is NOT appropriate and that we have young girls...the guy apologizes and says he had a lot of coffee - TC tells him that he could have knocked and used our bathroom with no problem...and the fact that he jumped the fence our dog could have attacked him (ha ha ha more like licked him to death) - but still (we do have Beware of dog signs)
So the guy is very apologitic and says he realizes we are good customers and that he will fix our roof for free. TC tells me he thinks we shouldn't ever hire him again...I point out that the guy came over on a freakin SUNDAY morning to fix our roof...
So anyway the guy had to leave to get the right shingles and comes back about 11am...to which we get 2 calls from neighbors wondering how the hell did we get someone to come and fix our roof on a Sunday morning...
Needless to say when I called home at 2pm (the girls and I had to go to a girl scout cookie booth sale) TC told me the roofer was still in the neighborhood fixing his 4th house for the day.....seems once he was done with ours - he went to our two neighbors and then someone saw him working on our neighbors house and well...who knows how many more he might have done as he worked his way further into the neighborhood...
So yes he did fix our house for Free...but somehow I think he more than made up for his "loss"
So on Monday in the mail we get the Kohls flyer - I will readily admit it I am a Kohls whore...especially around Clearence time...and it had one of those - 15-20 or 30% off things on the front cover...so I slowly peel the sticker away to reveal a 30% off - good for this Thursday through Sunday.....
Whooo Hoooo
Now that we don't have to pay for the roof to be fixed we can certainly spend some of that "wiggle room" money - Momma needs a new pair of shoes...
However...karma is a bitch...
I am currently living on 3 hours of not so good sleep...ended up taking PWG to the ER at 3am this morning - she had started complaining at 7pm while we were at Kohls that her tummy hurt - we asked all the pertinent questions and just thought it was a small tummy ache and it would go away as she slept...
Well she moaned most of the evening while sleeping...wound up in my bed at about midnight...at about 3 she really started whimpering and I felt her tummy again and it had a hardness to it so I told TC I would take her to the ER - while I was getting dressed she puked (luckly into a trash can)
so from 3 until 6 we were at the ER with a few more puking incidents (one of which occured while she was on the pot...she leaned over and puked right in her underwear between her legs...needless to say I just threw those away)
Got the diagnosis of the stomach flu with a slight UTI...joy...
the Dr. wished us luck and mentioned that anti-nasuea pills he prescribed SHOULD an adult need to take one to take the whole thing and not split it in half...double joy on that...
So now every little twing in my stomache is making me think "Am I next?"
where did I put my apron - I think I need my tequila now...
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Gin in my Apron Pocket....
well I am back on the wagon...well so to speak...
Thanks to Lotta last year I joined the MILF club - you know Mothers I'd like to (you know you know)
I will admit that I weigh the same this year as last year...{head hung in shame}
BUT I am about ready to start WW again (third times the charm right?) - It has worked for me in the past and I am no where near the weight I was when I FIRST started WW a number of years ago...
Anyway since alot of people involved in the MILF group have found thier lives have taken different paths - Lotta has decided to start a new group - Gin in my Apron Pocket
Although I do hold the right to replace the Gin with Tequila...after all a Margarita isn't a Margarita without Tequila (and triple sec and lime and salt)
so I am taking on the group to better myself this year...I have goals...little goals but goals nonetheless
Thanks to Lotta last year I joined the MILF club - you know Mothers I'd like to (you know you know)
I will admit that I weigh the same this year as last year...{head hung in shame}
BUT I am about ready to start WW again (third times the charm right?) - It has worked for me in the past and I am no where near the weight I was when I FIRST started WW a number of years ago...
Anyway since alot of people involved in the MILF group have found thier lives have taken different paths - Lotta has decided to start a new group - Gin in my Apron Pocket
Although I do hold the right to replace the Gin with Tequila...after all a Margarita isn't a Margarita without Tequila (and triple sec and lime and salt)
so I am taking on the group to better myself this year...I have goals...little goals but goals nonetheless
- Loose 20 lbs
- Actually go on a family vacation this year
- Work on getting an Etsy shop up and actually running...need something to pay for all my craft clutter
- Say F' it and let my girls have ice cream for dinner every few months
- Try not to stress out over our possible kitchen remodel
- Hide the Tagalongs so PWG won't find them and eat them all...{I bought them for me!!!}
- Blog more often...let's see small steps - say 2X's per week at least
- Actually leave comments on the peoples blogs I read :)
So that's about all I have for now....
Thursday, March 06, 2008
More and more like a child everyday...
So PWG and TW and I have this routine we do - it started as a quick kiss on the lips…then it moved to Eskimo nose rubs then a kiss on the forehead…
So every time I say goodbye to my girls or tuck them in at night the routine has now evolved into this
Kiss, Kiss (lips)
Hug, Hug (self explanatory)
Nosey, Nosey (Eskimo rubs)
Kiss on the forehead
Of course my little OCD TW girl needs to have it done 3 times…
Anyway so last night TC picked the girls up from afterschool care, got them dinner and started on their homework because I had an errand to run…needless to say they were in full 6 going on 7 mode last night…whiney, bitchy and all around aggravating. I got home about 6:15pm
By about 7pm he just looked at me and said “can I escape for a little while they are driving me nuts”
Sure go ahead…I figured he would go to the Man Mecca of Home Depot or Gander Mountain…
So I actually get the girls into bed about 8pm (sweet hallelujah) and settle in with my 101 little things to do around the house…by about 9pm I had settled in front of the TV tagging clothes for my twins club yards ale this weekend and watching Ghost Hunters on Sci-Fi channel (freaked me the hell out…every time I heard a little noise I was all jumpy)
So I look up at the clock and see it is about 10pm – hummm wonder where TC is so I call him on his Cell and ask if he is coming home anytime soon…
On his way he tells me…and where was he – not at Home Depot nor Gander Mountain – he was at the pinnacle of all Man Mecca’s – HOOTERS.
Turns out he called a friend and decided to go grab a drink with him – at HOOTERS…
You know if I ever win the lottery – I am opening my own restaurant…what am I going to call it - BUNS – everything on the menu will be served on some type of Bun…but that isn’t what will draw people in - Oh no – the slab of beefcake poured in to cute tight bike shorts and chest-hugging tank tops serving food will. Now granted a man planted firmly in heterosexual land won’t step foot in the place – but it sure would be a smash with sexually frustrated housewives and gay boys.
Anyway – TC makes it home and we talk for a little while before he retires to the guest room (no trouble in paradise – TC had shoulder surgery a few weeks ago and needs room to spread out while he sleeps because he can’t move his arm in certain directions)…
So I go in to give him a kiss goodnight…and what do I do without even realizing until the deed was done…
Kiss, Kiss (lips)
Hug, Hug (self explanatory)
Nosey, Nosey (Eskimo rubs)
Kiss on the forehead
So every time I say goodbye to my girls or tuck them in at night the routine has now evolved into this
Kiss, Kiss (lips)
Hug, Hug (self explanatory)
Nosey, Nosey (Eskimo rubs)
Kiss on the forehead
Of course my little OCD TW girl needs to have it done 3 times…
Anyway so last night TC picked the girls up from afterschool care, got them dinner and started on their homework because I had an errand to run…needless to say they were in full 6 going on 7 mode last night…whiney, bitchy and all around aggravating. I got home about 6:15pm
By about 7pm he just looked at me and said “can I escape for a little while they are driving me nuts”
Sure go ahead…I figured he would go to the Man Mecca of Home Depot or Gander Mountain…
So I actually get the girls into bed about 8pm (sweet hallelujah) and settle in with my 101 little things to do around the house…by about 9pm I had settled in front of the TV tagging clothes for my twins club yards ale this weekend and watching Ghost Hunters on Sci-Fi channel (freaked me the hell out…every time I heard a little noise I was all jumpy)
So I look up at the clock and see it is about 10pm – hummm wonder where TC is so I call him on his Cell and ask if he is coming home anytime soon…
On his way he tells me…and where was he – not at Home Depot nor Gander Mountain – he was at the pinnacle of all Man Mecca’s – HOOTERS.
Turns out he called a friend and decided to go grab a drink with him – at HOOTERS…
You know if I ever win the lottery – I am opening my own restaurant…what am I going to call it - BUNS – everything on the menu will be served on some type of Bun…but that isn’t what will draw people in - Oh no – the slab of beefcake poured in to cute tight bike shorts and chest-hugging tank tops serving food will. Now granted a man planted firmly in heterosexual land won’t step foot in the place – but it sure would be a smash with sexually frustrated housewives and gay boys.
Anyway – TC makes it home and we talk for a little while before he retires to the guest room (no trouble in paradise – TC had shoulder surgery a few weeks ago and needs room to spread out while he sleeps because he can’t move his arm in certain directions)…
So I go in to give him a kiss goodnight…and what do I do without even realizing until the deed was done…
Kiss, Kiss (lips)
Hug, Hug (self explanatory)
Nosey, Nosey (Eskimo rubs)
Kiss on the forehead
Tuesday, March 04, 2008
My new Porn...
Screw naked chicks and men with big ummm FEET?
I have a wonderful new version of Porn in my life...
Pictures of kitchens...
not just any old humpty-dumpty kitchen...all sagging and crusty around the edges.
But pictures of bright NEW kitchens with BIG bold countertops and all sorts of shiney knobs.
Where brand new french door refidgerators humm along and shiney new dishwashers just scream "look at me - aren't I fancy"
After taking a long look at our finances Third Child and I decided to see what a contractor might say about putting an addition on our house...and not just any addition...a new kitchen addition...
{swoon ... faint}
So we meet with the contractor and go through the basics of what we want...
See this wall here - push it out about 12 feet...rearrage the kitchen, make the Utility room bigger and if you can make it happen a nice Man cave underneath the addition...as in a few years TC is going to be dealing with not only pre-menopause PMS from me...but the teen agnst of two teenage daughters...
So he comes back and says - well I can't give you a closer figure because we need to get a structural engineer out here but I think the cost is going to be somewhere in this neighborhood...
And that Neighborhood is quite expensive...but within the amount we could spend...
SO let the fun begin...
Really is it so wrong to get all hot and bothered by a GE Appliance catalog...
I am sure someday soon TC will be calling me from our bedroom and when I get there he will be stark nakkers holding just a Kitchencraft cabinet catalog and saying "Here honey let me read to you all the different cabinet pull out options...."
Oh yeah baby you know just how to get me in the mood....tell me more about knob options too
I have a wonderful new version of Porn in my life...
Pictures of kitchens...
not just any old humpty-dumpty kitchen...all sagging and crusty around the edges.
But pictures of bright NEW kitchens with BIG bold countertops and all sorts of shiney knobs.
Where brand new french door refidgerators humm along and shiney new dishwashers just scream "look at me - aren't I fancy"
After taking a long look at our finances Third Child and I decided to see what a contractor might say about putting an addition on our house...and not just any addition...a new kitchen addition...
{swoon ... faint}
So we meet with the contractor and go through the basics of what we want...
See this wall here - push it out about 12 feet...rearrage the kitchen, make the Utility room bigger and if you can make it happen a nice Man cave underneath the addition...as in a few years TC is going to be dealing with not only pre-menopause PMS from me...but the teen agnst of two teenage daughters...
So he comes back and says - well I can't give you a closer figure because we need to get a structural engineer out here but I think the cost is going to be somewhere in this neighborhood...
And that Neighborhood is quite expensive...but within the amount we could spend...
SO let the fun begin...
Really is it so wrong to get all hot and bothered by a GE Appliance catalog...
I am sure someday soon TC will be calling me from our bedroom and when I get there he will be stark nakkers holding just a Kitchencraft cabinet catalog and saying "Here honey let me read to you all the different cabinet pull out options...."
Oh yeah baby you know just how to get me in the mood....tell me more about knob options too
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
