Monday, June 26, 2006

Can I get this in a size Oompa Loompa

On Saturday I got the pleasure of meeting up with one of my friends - Liz (http://buildermama.blogspot.com/) yeah I haven't learned to do all that HTML stuff yet...

Anyway Liz and I met up at one of our local malls...the "expensive" one - the one that houses places like Crate and Barrel, Aurhaus, Pottery Barn, and Nordstroms...one of the reasons we picked this place was for the sheer fact that Nordstoms carrys Philosophy products and since Liz previously "forced" me into buying over $100 worth of face stuff from Philosophy I subsequently have become a Philosophy Ho I needed my fix of the face wash...

But ah not so simple to walk in and just buy what I needed - no sir re...I ended up forking over about $80 for a face kit and then...Clinque...foundation and blush - why because there was a FREE gift...in addition to being a Philosophy Ho it turns out I am also a FREE gift Ho...so now I have some nice expensive foundation and blush...but I do have to say it does do wonders for my face...but sadly there is no going back now...I don't think I can ever again buy foundation at CVS with my $1 off coupon...now I'll be stalking Clinque and biding my time until they have thier FREE gifts...I have begun the next phase in my life "Phase Three: Makeup like your mother"...I however will not complete the phase in full because I do not own Blue frosted eyeshadow and never will

I shudder at the thought of the next phase "Phase Four: Dressing like your mother"...a phase I shall do my best to by-pass because I really don't ever want to own a sweater with an embroidered Christmas Tree - nor do I have a jonesing to own Christmas Lightbulb dangling earrings...

Anyway after both of us made the salesladies day we went off to the Cheesecake factory for a bite to eat...ohhh so sinfully delicious at the end...we shared a slice of Chocolate Coconut cheesecake...I could actually hear my hips screaming "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"

After a bite to eat we walked around the mall - which led us to Ann Taylor - where I tried on a very pretty dress - unfortunatly it made me look like I was smuggling piglets on my hips...

See...my body is mutated...I am what you would refer to a zaftig...big boned...plush...fluffy...I have a somewhat smallish waist with these huge birthing hips...and to top it off I am on the short side...imagine if you will someone took an Oompa Loompa and put them on a stretcher...that would be me...so I go to try on pants...they fit in the hips but I could literally tuck a midget in the back of my waistband...the pants I can find that fit me in the waist are usually so tight accross the hips they pull at the crotch and well if you have read my other musings you would know my sworn motal enemy is the camel-toe...I will NEVER, EVER go there...quite frankly I wish it was outlawed and I had the power to make a citizens camel-toe arrest...oh what happy day that would be...to be able to walk down the street and not be offended by camel toes...

anyway so the long story short is I am a mutant and I am waiting for the day I can flip through the racks at a store and find a size Oompa Loompa...

2 comments:

Builder Mama said...

Okay, you have me intrigued now...what are phases 1 and 2 of becoming like your mother?

As always, great to see you. The cheesecake was just the icing on the cake!

Woozy Woo said...

Thank you for finally being able to articulate how I feel in clothes. Nothing fits, because models aren't, well, 5'2"...and no amount of weight you lose helps. If I were thinner I'd only be left with what is in the CHILDREN's department.