Thank you Jessica Andrews

SCARY - it's like she lives in my brain...


If I live to be a hundred
And never see the seven wonders
That'll be alright
If I don't make it to the big leagues
If I never win a Grammy
I'm gonna be just fine
Cause I know exactly who I am

I am Rosemary's granddaughter
The spitting image of my father
And when the day is done my momma's still my biggest fan
Sometimes I'm clueless and I'm clumsy
But I've got friends that love me And they know just where I stand
It's all a part of me
And that's who I am

So when I make a big mistake
And when I fall flat on my face
I know I'll be alright
Should my tender heart be broken
I will cry those teardrops knowing I will be just fine
Cause nothing changes who I am

I am Rosemary's granddaughter
The spitting image of my father
And when the day is done my momma's still my biggest fan
Sometimes I'm clueless and I'm clumsy
But I've got friends that love me And they know just where I stand
It's all a part of me
And that's who I am

I'm a saint and I'm a sinner
I'm a loser; I'm a winner
I am steady and unstable
I'm young, but I am able

I am Rosemary's granddaughter
The spitting image of my father
And when the day is done my momma's still my biggest fan
Sometimes I'm clueless and I'm clumsy
But I've got friends that love me And they know where I stand
It's all a part of me
And that's who I am

and apparently so does Meredith Brooks

I hate the world today
You're so good to me
I know but I can't change
Tried to tell you
But you look at me like maybe
I'm an angel underneath
Innocent and sweet
Yesterday I cried
Must have been relieved to see
The softer side
I can understand how you'd be so confused
I don't envy youI'm a little bit of everything
All rolled into one

Chorus:
I'm a bitch, I'm a lover
I'm a child, I'm a mother
I'm a sinner, I'm a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I'm your hell, I'm your dream
I'm nothing in between
You know you wouldn't want it any other way

So take me as I am
This may mean
You'll have to be a stronger man
Rest assured that
When I start to make you nervous
And I'm going to extremes
Tomorrow I will change
And today won't mean a thing

Chorus

Just when you think, you got me figured out
The season's already changing
I think it's cool, you do what you do
And don't try to save me

Chorus

I'm a bitch, I'm a tease
I'm a goddess on my knees
When you hurt, when you suffer
I'm your angel undercover
I've been numb, I'm revived
Can't say I'm not alive
You know I wouldn't want it any other way

Tommorrow is K day

Tommorrow morning we all get in the car - drive 45 miles south and pick up our 2 new kittens...the girls have no idea they are going to be stoked...

stay tuned for thier names...sure to be interesting since I asked TW what she would name a cat...

fluffy fluffy fluffy...

and no I didn't type it 3 times by accident...

The bastards got me wet....

And we return....to Seaworld on Friday morning...we managed to catch the last part of the Dolphin show - we came in right after the whale part - so we did end up seeing the whole show - it just took us 2 days.

The big part of this day was touching and feeding various animals...the first thing we did was head over to the skate petting - little flat things very similar to Stingrays...the girls had a blast actually touching them - I was quite surprised that TW WANTED to pet them considering her adversion to anything "icky" - but she did - then it off to see and feed the sea lions and seals and then to the sea lion show...

As yes the Sea lion show - where my 3rd kid got picked out of the audience and had to perform "I'm A Little Teapot" in front of the whole stadium - he was a good sport and his reward - getting soaked by the huge sea lion - ummm yummy nothing like going thru the day smelling like wet sea mammals...

After the show my sis and her boytoy went off on thier own to ride the rollercoaster again and the kids and I headed off to Shamu's world for little people...where we rode the Shamu express - all 60 seconds of it and the girls got out thier energy by sliding down some slides...while we were waiting in line for the Shamu express I got a call from my sis informing me she and boytoy had signed up for the Brewmasters Tour - basically a way to partake in a VARIETY of free beer, rather than just whatever they are handing out at the free beer kiosk that day. Seeing as they would be busy with that we headed over to the Shamu show again...

I have to say...1 time is plenty for the Shamu show...I could go around another time for the Dolphin show - after all how many chances do you get to see gay men dressed in bright pink wet suits with some sort of feather head dress diving 20 feet into a dolphin tank...but Shamu is Shamu and well once was more than enough...

After the Shamu show we met up with sis and boy toy...they were well shit-faced...they had ALOT to drink...they had to sit with a rather odd British couple and thier son and fled when the tour was over...they were a little afraid they might be invited to "spend some time" with the family...anyway my sis got a chance to try something called SPYKES, which has yet to hit the market...which is basically shots of flavored alcohol you can add to beer or drink straight - I tasted her beer that had a Chocolate shot - let's just say as soon as these puppies hit the market - I am all over it...

It was about this time we were going past the Journey to Atlantis ride - the one where we all got soaked - and I learned something...they have these buttons - you put a quarter in the slot - hit the button and it makes jets of water go off...so the day before when boy toy and I thought we were in the clear after going down the hill - SOME BASTARD SHOT US!!!! it wasn't the ride - it was some bastard with a quarter - some bastard got his jollys off by soaking us with water...well paybacks a bitch and I just happened to have about $3 in quarters (because that is what the lockers take) - Drunk boy toy and I had LOTS OF FUN being all bastardly and soaking other people - BA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA...next to petting a dolphin this was my favorite thing at Seaworld - right above the FREE BEER....

After going thru the penguin house again and trying to pet the rays again we were off...

to the parking lot where we forgot where we parked our rental van...never a good thing - after wandering aimlessly for a little while in her drunken state my sister pushed the panic button on the car keychain - SHEER GENIUS - we followed the screeching sirens to our car and got all settled in...

Then it was off to grandma's house...

no dancing singing Santa...but there was a Leprachan sitting atop a syrofoam mushroom...(how long ago was St. Patty's day???)...ah grammi never disappoints...

All in all we had a nice visit with my grandmother - we escaped on Saturday afternoon and went to see Over the Hedge - very cute movie - I love "I can't find my nuts" Hammy - Sunday we managed to escape to the zoo in the morning - where the girls loved to feed the Lorries some necter and learned my sisters boytoy screams like a little girl if a bird accidently lands on his head...I expected the flailing and screaming from TW when a bird landed on her head BUT boy toy...I was surprised...the girls also got a chance to feed a Giraffe...nothing like getting liked by a giant sloppy tounge - I imagine getting slurped by a giraffe is similar to getting slurped by Gene Simmons...but I won't know being as I am not a skank-ho...

After the zoo the kids and I managed to get to the pool - my sis and boytoy got roped into golfing with gram and g'pa...

Monday it was time to go to the airport...

Nice trip...wonderful vacation...still exhausted

FREE BEER....

no seriously - FREE BEER...at Seaworld - who knew?

Well we made it back from our trip in one piece...a little worn, a little weary, a little battered a little bruised...

but hey they had FREE BEER at Seaworld...

The trip to Fl was great - it was the first time flying for Pantie-wad and the Toothless Wonder - it was a little sketchy in the airport with the waiting and such...thank goodness we had the "F" flashcards - see PWG does speech theraphy - at her last session her therapist gave her cards with pictures of things that begin with the letter 'F' (and yes I checked none had 2 naked people) - to which she happily showed TW how to play the 'F' matching game...this is #45 why having Twins is a GOOD thing...(still doesn't outnumber the con side though) - Lucky when I started seeing the game starting to break down we had to board the plane - THANK YOU AIRTRAN for being on-time.

So we get on the plane get all settled...take off...then we hear it - THAT question "Are we there yet?" - Oh freak me...we took off 10 minutes ago...anyway the nice people in the blue unifroms brought us soda and whale crackers (oh no not goldfish - but WHALE crackers) and that entertained them for all of about 4 minutes. Luckly for me I was in the row with TW and after about an hour she turned and told me she was sleepy - well then lay right down here and take a nap - and that is just what she did - yeah me.

We get to Orlando airport - find my sister and her boytoy that came in from NC and get our rental car - with 4 adults, 2 kids and a bunch of luggage - it was all minivan for us...we find the Nickelodeon Hotel easy enough and they even let us check in a hour and a half early - THEY ROCK...get to our room (which was the farthest you could get from the front desk - of course) - shed our clothes and jump into our bathing suits...and off to the pool.

The Pool at the Nickelodeon Hotel is great - they actually have 2 pools - one has a 0 entry way and was great for the girls as they didn't need a lifevest to play - they had a rope going across once the water went below 3 ft. - this pool also had the huge mass of water slides - BUT since we were there it was closed until Friday morning (for repairs) - guess when we were leaving - yep you guessed it Friday morning...that is just our luck...the second pool is a deeper pool - it is about 4.5 ft deep and has a few waterslides - 2 of which dump you out into the pool and one that has a water way that is designed for the little kids...My girls LOVED this pool - we threw on some life jackets and they swam their little hearts out. My third child, commonly known as my husband, loved the waterslides - one of which you had to climb a rope thingy to get to. The other one you just walked up the stairs and slide down - this is where I got hurt...

See Child 3 was goading me into going down the water slide - so I said fine I'll go - walk up the stairs put my foot on the slide and promptly fell like no ones business - my sunglasses go flying off...my body twists in all sorts of weird directions..my foot somehow gets jammed up underneath me...all while I continue down the curly slide...it was not fun...I seriously thought I broke my foot it was throbbing - luckly it was OK - I just sport a major bruise on my ankle now. But that would have been just my luck...to break my ankle on a friggen water slide

After splashing all around in the water it was time to get out - dry off, eat some food and go to sleep...while it is fun to play around the Nickelodeon hotel - not so much fun to sleep - The bed was the HARDEST bed I had ever sleep on - concrete would have been more comfortable.

On Thursday it was off to SEAWORLD - yeaaaa...we had a little trouble at the ticket kiosks but luckly a nice guy named Frank helped us out...he even told my sister who had recieved a free military ticket she could upgrade to a season pass for only $10 - FRANK ROCKS - we get in the gate and then head over to get our tickets validated - see if you go to Seaworld you can get your tickets validated and get another ticket to come back again anytime in the next 6 days...very nice feature - you go Seaworld...so we get our tickets and then my sister goes to upgrade her free ticket - which took 15 minutes and 2 managers...seriously...

Anyway after all that we were free to roam the park - and headed out...we got to see all sort of Marine mammals and fish and whatnot - then it was time to catch the SHAMU show...which we had told PWG and TW they would probably get wet - they were looking so forward to it...we sat in the Splash Zone (even though I didn't want to) and waited for the show the begin...it began...it was good - guess what - we didn't get splashed...missed getting splashed by mere inches...and then it was over...and TW started crying because Shamu didn't soak her...JOY upon freakin JOY...so we cajoled and promised that at some point by the end of the day we would make sure she got splashed by some marine mammal...

It was off to see other creatures of the sea and...the horses....yes the horses we come to Seaworld and see...the horses...which in the end didn't turn out to be a bad thing because they were next to the hospitality house...where we ducked in to cool off and found

FREE BEER

FREE BEER

did I mention

FREE BEER

So we got some free beer and off we went again...but not before forking over $12 to have our picture taken with a Clydesdale...oh well - it is a vacation you are suppose to spend gobs of money - right???

The next stop was the Dolphin show...which in remembering our promise to TW we all sat in the second row front and center in order to get splashed...The Dolphin show was something else - it didn't just have dolphins - it had fairy princesses, and parrots and gay divers...It was quite a specticle...until the damn whales started acting up...they didn't listen...didn't follow directions - If I didn't know any better I would guess they were twins and 5 years old...anyway they ended up having to end the show right there - At least TW got splashed and in the end isn't that all that really matters...

After the dolphin show we headed over to ride the lone rollercoaster - KRACKEN...which my sis, boytoy and I went on...considering hubby could barely handle the rides at Kings Dominion he gladly stayed on firm ground with the girls...it coaster was awesome...however it did leave me a little green around the gills after a few minutes of disembarking...after KRACKEN we all headed over to Journey to Atlantis - a logflume ride on steriods...luckly the girls were *just* tall enough to go on the ride with us...started out good - you sort of float along this waterpath - the scenes sort of make me think of if It's a Small World and the Devil mated - you would have Journey to Atlantis...after floating amlessly for a little while you are shunted up a tall hill and you know what comes next - down, down, down a big slide filled with water...Boytoy and I were in the 3rd row and started to celebrate when only a few sprays of water got on us...we celebrated to soon - out of nowhere we get hit full force with a huge spray of water - WTF!!!! then it whips you around and you think you are going back to get out - oh no you are shut in pitch black and go very very fast around a bunch of curves and then splashes you down a little hill - I think the girls were fine until that last part - they got off the ride and told us in no uncertain terms it was a scary ride and they were not going back on it...

After that since we were soaked to our undies we decided it was time to head back to the hotel...which we did and the girls wanted to go swimming again so we did and of course the 3rd kid wanted to go down the water slide again and again...

Tune in tommorrow for more of our adventures....

To Grammi's House we go - Man eating Alligators Part II

To futher our vacation and save on fundage after spending 2 days at the Nick hotel and visiting SEA-freakin-WORLD (can I tell you again how excited I am) - we are driving 40 minutes east to my grandmothers house to spend a few days with her...

Now my grandmother lives in a "gated" community (if you call Barney Fife at the guard house "gated") that is full of retired military officers - after my Poppi died my grammi met a nice widow man who gave her a 2 carat rock and ended up whisking her away to the land of the man eating alligators...the retirement community is quite a site to behold. We were last there about 2 years ago at Thanksgiving time - at which point when we pulled up into their driveway we were greeted with a 6 ft' tall dancing Santa on the porch...

NOW...the winter before that my great aunt (who went down to Fl. to visit my Grammi (her sister) one December for the holidays and wound up marrying my grandmothers next door neighbor about 7 weeks later...this however, is not a weird story in my family - oh we have CLOSETS full of wackiness in my family - maybe one day I will blog about them) had - I KID YOU NOT - a REVOLVING pink tinsle christmas tree on her front porch that my grandmother said was the epitome of tackiness...

hummm - 6 ft tall dancing Santa or a revolving pink tinsle tree - pretty much a draw to me on the Tacky-o-meter...

Anyway - when we arrived there was a gift at Santa's feet for PWG and TW - a little bag with a Minnie visor and a few pieces of candy...not bad...not tacky...just right...if only the madness would have stopped there...BUT NO...everytime we left the house a "gift" would magically appear at Santa's feet...

The thing is my grandmother is very frugal...I readily admit that I myself am quite frugal and I do see that the apple didn't fall to far from the tree...BUT...the gifts were quite interesting becuase it looked as if she manged to hit all the 75% off Easter crap...and you know when something is marked down to 75% off after Easter it really is the dregs...the worst were these paper-machae bunnies with what looked like rotting fur stuck all over them...with red beady eyes...

Whie the gifts were bad...try corralling two 3 year olds in a house full of small hummels and tassles...the woman has these small figurines, many of which I am sure costs a pretty penny (she spends big bucks on a piece of kitsch but yet when milk is on sale for a .25 off she buys like 5 gallons and then sticks them in her freezer - note if you ever visit my grandmother - don't drink the milk)...and the tassles - she has these big-ass tassles hanging from every doorknob...of course a 3 year old is going to be drawn to it...and regardless what my grandmother says just because you say "don't touch" doesn't mean a 3 year old is going to listen...

So it will be a very interesting trip...in talking to my gammi she mentioned something about a visit from Jolly Old St. Nick...I need to remember to pack my Tylenol...because if we drive up and a dancing Santa is there to greet us I am going to need a hocking huge bottle...

Oh yeah to top everything off - my sister K and her boyfriend M are joining us on this trip - her boyfriend - who is moving in with her in a few months...even though they are not engaged...should be a fun time at my grandmothers house...I do believe the exact words from her mouth when I was living with my husband pre marriage (HOWEVER - we were engaged with a wedding date) were "Why should he buy the cow when he is getting the milk for free"....

Oh K - are you MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOing??????

Man eating Alligators...

Yep that's right we are going on VACATION.....

to the land of the man eating alligators...seriously in the past week 3 women have been attacked and killed by Alligators in FL. and that is where we are headed.

In case you haven't heard (which I would be mighty surprised since I am so freakin excited I tell everyone I meet I am going on vacation) we are going to Orlando - where we plan on spending 2 nights at the Nickelodeon Hotel - if I knew how to html I would make the word all nice and underlined so you could click right on it...but alas I am a computer moron (took me 10 minutes to figure out how to post a picture the other day) so here is the link http://www.nickhotel.com ...the overpriced, bad food Nickelodeon Hotel...but hey if I get a chance to meet Jimmy Neutron it will be worth the $200 a night stay...kids be damned - I picked the hotel with me in mind - do you know they have ginourmous water slides and a 3000 square foot arcade...me thinks mama is going to need some skeeball intervention.

We are also going to SEA-freakin'-WORLD - This I can't wait for - all the lovely marine mammals...seals and otters that can do tricks...and I am very intriqued as to why SEAworld has ponies pictured on their maps...My girls got maps of Seaworld for thier birthday -along with some spending money from their Nana...after perusing the map I asked both of them what hey wanted to see first - PWG stated the Flamingos...TW - the ponies...WHAT ponies...huh...so I looked at the map and sure enough a picture of a horse...so she wants to so see something we see almost everyday right down the road from our house - go figure.

So until I get back...have fun...be safe...and read some of my friends blogs...

I'm amazed....

about just how many people where I live obviously do not own mirrors...

because if they did surely they would not leave the house

• with shorts so high up thier crack they have a perpetual wedgie
• with shirts so freakin tight you get to see every flubber bump
• with skirts so short they should just be called belts
• with Boobs so exposed you would think there should be an infant close by ready to suckle
• with jeans down to their kneecaps with Hilfiger underwear popping out

and all this spotted at a FUNTASTIC family vacation spot - Kings Dominion...

I guess it is a good thing I didn't pack my spoon cause I would have been blind having to scoop out both my eyeballs from the hideous amount of flesh and general bad fashion sense...

It's official I have broken my child...

TW has been going around singing part of a song for the past week now...

what song you ask...

Honkey-Tonk Ba-donk-a-donk....

however it seems the only parts she knows are

"Honkey-tonk-ba-donk-a-donk"

and

"Eww-wee shut my mouth slap your grandma"

It's offical she's broken...can she be exchanged???

The continuing Saga of Rabbits and Gophers...

So... remember in a previous posting I mentioned that during my twins convention the conversation turned to *ahem* bedroom "friends" - I failed to mention I managed to plaster my friends room with Post-it's that referenced the names of their little "friends"....

They swore revenge would be sweet... Last Wednesday i came home to this...

My yard was decorated with fire tape (one of my friends hubbies is a fireman), large neon signs that said thing like "Gopher It"..."Beware of Rabbits"..."Rabbits and Gophers Unite"... I was laughing so hard I almost peed myself...My husband on the other hand was just shaking his head.

So later that night I met up with them at my twins club meeting and they told me the story of "trashing" my lawn.... seems that had been planning it since thier ride home from MD. They each took a portion and then went to my house Wed. morning...at which time while vandalizing my lawn a county police officer cruised by...slowed down...and waved. I am guessing three middle aged women cavorting around a front lawn at 10am in the morning is not a crime. They did however, get some nice cat-calls from a dumptruck full of boys.

They asked me if I was mad...how can I be mad I feel so loved - that they would take time out of thier busy sceduale and pepper my lawn with the names of vibrators...to me that is LOVE, baby!!!

But...this is not over...REVENGE shall be mine...

What did I just say????

I never thought I would ever have to utter a sentence such as...

"get the giraffe out of your underpants"

life with children....never predictable....never dull

Rabbits & Gophers...

Honestly the best thing about being a twin mom is getting to be in a Multiple's Club...

a club just for mothers (or parents) of Multiples...

and my club is awesome...I love the friends I have made through the club and it is nice to know that I am not the only one whose multiples makes them mental.

Over my club is an umbrella club that holds an annual convention for a weekend.

This past weekend was that convention and I was lucky enough to go.

I had a blast... some highlights.

Friday...drove in my car - by myself - listening to music I wanted to listen to and didn't have to stop for a potty break every 30 miles...anyway get to the hotel, check in, find my room and drift on down to the action...met up with some of my clubmates and some friends from another club I hadn't seen in a while. That night about 15-16 of us went out to dinner at an awesome seafood place. I proceeded to down two margaritas and become quite inebriated - NOW I know since having kids I have become somewhat of a lightweight but I swear they were 90% tequila, a splash of mix and ice cubes. The conversation at the table got quite interesting...sex lives...Brazilians (and I am not talking about the people)...and *ahem* bedroom friends that are named after cute and fuzzy little animals. Needless to say I jumped into many of the conversations...because that is the type of person I am and it felt "freeing" to actually be myself rather than hold back, lest i say something out of place...anyway after the resturant a bunch of us ended up drinking something fruity and RUMey in someone's room - lots and lots of laughter...at some point I made it back to my room and managed to drunk dial the room I had previously been in and shouted random obscene words...

Saturday - I awoke at 6:30 am - not by choice but because the person next door - their damned alarm was going off - incessent beeping...after trying to call their room I called down to the front desk and about 10 minutes later after a knock and "housekeeping" the alarm was finally shut off after going off for about 40 minutes...I was a little perturbed because it was the chance to actually sleep in without a small kid pressed up against my ass...I was up by that point and at some point during the night my teeth had grown furry little socks...I had forgotten what it was like to wake up after a night of drinking. Shower...dress and down to the contential breakfast...where the coffee cups were the size of shot glasses - ARE YOU FREAKIN KIDDING ME...this is a convention for mothers of MULTIPLES....most of us mainline the stuff and you tease us with shots of coffee...bad coffee at that...anyway after the opening session I hightailed it to my room and actually got a few scrapbook pages done (go me...) instead of going to the lecture session I had signed up for (College Savings and You - ummm already got the 529 in place). Headed to lunch - which was OK...I've had worse. They also did the awards during lunch and our club won for Large Club of the Year (go us!!!!) Instead of going to my afternoon session (Wills, Trusts and More...got it got it and got it...) I instead took advantage of an offer of going for a boat ride in the Chesapake Bay...humm let's see sitting listening to a lawyer or riding in a boat while drinking a Margarita and eating fancy cheese and crackers - serious no-brainer. After leaving the boat I sat around with a few other club members over a strawberry daquari - yummy...sat through the closing business meeting...grabbed some dinner and then spent the rest of the night just hanging out with a bunch of club members having a great time...

so relaxing....

so to all...

Have a gopher and rabbit kind of day...