Chaos....

yep imagine that chaos in the house of chaos...

I will resume writing shortly...but suffice it to say after

• an all day regional conference (which ROCKED)
• a birthday party for TWO 6 year olds that included, but was not limited to, 28 OTHER 6 year olds
• guest coaching a Kindergarten Jesus League Soccer Practice - let's just say there were a lot of "Oh God" battered about and not in the form of prayer...NEVER, EVER again will I attempt to be a coach where the main goal is to herd at least FIVE 6 year olds towards a common goal...I would rather castrate donkeys...lot less frustration...
• Playing single mom for 3 days while hubby had to go to Orlando for work (yeah Third Child tell me again how bad it was to HAVE to go to Citywalk and HAVE to have a beer or two and HAVE to dance like the white boy you are....)
• attending a Multiple Moms convention (OK this was awesome...the highlight of the trip - spending an hour in a Barnes and Noble...walking around and just browsing....)
• gearing up to play single mom again for 7 days...while Third Child goes and walks around the plains of Kansas with his brothers looking for turkeys...

I am TIRED....so right now I am taking a short little break from writing...so the three of you that read my little blog will have to wait...

In the meantime - take a look HERE - there really is a website for anything....

Glorious Gassies

Honestly I don’t know what is wrong with Third Childs digestive system lately…as men get older do they just leak more???

The other night after a particularly bad gas leak I stumbled across an idea…

Glorious Gassies

Basically a pair of boxer shorts with a pocket in the ass area…simply insert one the patented Glorious Gassies pads into the pocket and behold the power of human wind to make your house smell GLORIOUS…. {My original name for them was going to be Potpourri Panties – but DH said real men would never wear “Panties”)

How does it work you might ask…well the secret is in the specially designed pad insert.

One side has a charcoal lining to absorb any foul odors…the other side is lined with beautiful smelling scents…

As a MAN “blows wind” the foul odor is trapped by the Charcoal lining and the sheer fart power allows the scent on the outside to blow freely…

Yes Virginia there can be such a thing as Rose scented farts….

Much like Tampons I am thinking there will have to be different sized pads…light, medium and “Holy Mother of God you ate 3 cans of Hormel Chili”

I am happily accepting investment backers….

Updated to add:

Well crap someone beat me to it - looky HERE

Don't be a Jesus Hater'

On Sunday Third Child did a chore he has been meaning to do for oh about a year now…

Hang a cross in the girls roomThe cross we had is made of dark wood with the requisite Jesus on it – you know the reminder that he died for our sins…

Well he put it up without asking me and it went right smack in the middle of their wall between their beds…I was more than a little perturbed that he smacked a hole right in the middle of my beautiful wallpapered wall – but I got over it (well not really…)

So on Sunday night we go walking into the girls room getting ready for bed…TW was already in bed while PWG and I were walking into their room and the conversation went something like this

PWG : I don’t want Jesus in my room

ME: Well you have to talk with Daddy about that

PWG: DAAAAAADDDDDDY – can you get rid of Jesus?

TC (coming up the stairs): Why don’t you want Jesus in your room?

PWG: I just don’t (at this point I had my fingers behind her head like horns while mouthing “She’s the offspring of the Devil” – mean I know…but appropriate for the situation)

TC: Well give me a reason.

PWG: It doesn’t go with the colors of my room.

ME: Maybe we can get a Pink one? (or maybe even a rainbow one…there has to be a Lesbians for Jesus Web store right….I mean the ‘net has everything)

PWG: Nooooooo I don’t want Jesus…

TW: (piping up from her bed) I want Jesus….PWG he Died for us… (about a 10 second delay) Well he died for three days….but still he died for US

At this point both TC and I lost it…almost peeing our pants lost it….

ME: Ok what about if we move the cross to TW side and we can get you a picture of Mary

PWG: I don’t want Jesus in the picture

ME: I don’t know about that most of the pictures I’ve seen have Mary and Baby Jesus

PWG: NO, No baby Jesus, no cross Jesus, no Jesus, just Mary

TW: (piping up again) JESUS PWG don’t be a Jesus hater

A perfect conversation on a perfect Easter evening…

Such is life…never boring

When a relationship gets to be 14 years old...

Last week apparently Third Child and I had a discussion about Turtles vs. Tortoises

because this just showed up in my in-box from said Third Child

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As I stated last week a tortoise is a land turtle, all tortoises are turtles. But not all turtles are Tortoises.


From Encyclopedia Britannica
tortoise
any of the land-dwelling turtles of the family Testudinidae; in Great Britain the name refers to any nonmarine turtle. The land-dwelling tortoises are exclusively terrestrial, vegetarian reptiles. In folklore these animals represent slowness, determination, and long life. Tortoises are found in both the Old World and the New, but the majority of the 40-odd living species…

turtle (order Testudines)
any reptile with a body encased in a bony shell, including tortoises. Although numerous animals, from invertebrates to mammals, have evolved shells, none has an architecture like that of turtles. The turtle shell has a top (carapace) and a bottom (plastron). The carapace and plastron are bony structures that usually join one another along each side of…

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Must keep TC happy because who else is going to have an in-depth conversation with me about the differences between turtles and tortoises

really I swear once I had a life...

It's A MILF Monday

yeah yeah yeah - so I have been slacking with this BLOG thing...I have been busy and I threw out my back...

People have been asking me how I manged to totally wreck my back and it seems very lame to me that if I tell them the truth I say "Cheering at a Kindergarten Soccer Game"...

Most of the time I would have loved to say "Well...you know" and giving them a "look" - so that way they have an image of a Chubby gal getting her freak on...

I usually tell the truth...because it would be a cruel, mean thing to leave an image of a Chubby gal getting her freak on in peoples brains...

As for the MILF part - I haven't budged...I have lost but I haven't gained...now that my back is feeling better I guess I will try and get back on my ellipitcal machine and get my ass in gear...

Going back to the Cheering at the Soccer Game...after finding the SoccerMILF shirt (and being dared by the Third Child to actually purchase and wear it...) I went in search of other SoccerMILF goodies - only not for me - for the Third Child...I decided to share them with ya'll

I am quite sure that BOTH of the above would MOST definately get us thrown out of the Jesus league

Now Silly Chick had mentioned that quite possibly I could use MILF to mean Mothers in Love with Faith if asked at the Jesus Soccer League what MILF stood for...but looky what I found....

Old Women are NOT sexy...

It is offical I am old...

I have spent the past 3 days hunched over like a little old lady...I threw my back out. I think it was to much cheering at the girls soccer game...especially the one point where I jumped up and cheered at PWG for making a goal - it was in the wrong goal...but it was a goal none the less. And for that I have been in constant pain

After a productive trip to the Chiropractor yesterday I can at least now sit and walk in a somewhat upright position...although the walking needs a little bit of work, as I have to walk with my hand on the small of my back while I sway from side to side...being as I have a little bit of belly who wants to guess that the next rumor at work will have me knocked-up...I guess that is preferable to people thinking I have something shoved up my buttock area...

As for weighing in...well that is on the back table for now...I swear i will get back on it...but life has been hectic and my house has been full of Girl Scout Cookies...damn those green wearing girls and their delicious Tagalongs...IMA doesn't stand a freakin chance

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Now for a bit of fun - thanks to Lotta she had this link for a Card Catalog Generator - so I made one up...now it is your turn...

Anyone notice anything about the call numbers ???