Seven Random things for a Boring Friday...

Hummmm thanks G-Man for making me think today…

• I have gnome addiction…there I said it – Garden gnomes rock my world…I have over a dozen of them in my garden…not to mention a few more small gnomes in my house…a Talking gnome, a Grow –a-Gnome and a Desktop gnome at work. I also own a Gnome shirt and Gnomey PJ’s

• Twins run in my family – when TC and I were discussing how many kids we wanted the chance of twins ruled our conversation…and lookey what we have…TWINS

• My college sorority nickname is “Spooge” – it really has nothing to do with spunk – well not really true…one of my pledge sisters mispronounced my last name as Semenguard…close but no cigar…and well the moniker was bestowed upon me by my “big” sister and really, really stuck…there were a vast number of people that didn’t know my real name…only knew me by Spooge

• I won a jello sucking contest in college…to this day there has not been another one – does that still make me the REIGNING champ?

• I have an addiction to Papercrafting…stamping, scrapbooking, decorative items…you name it…I love it

• The first boy I ever slept with the 1st night I met him is now my husband. (does that make me slightly less ho-ish that I did that since we did eventually got married?)

• I have a very dry and somewhat perverted sense of humor…most people either love me or hate me…much like Lady Sovereign (bonus points for those who know what the hell I am talking about...)

And as for Tagging people - I think a majority of people are blogged out cause of NABloMoBLOP…(see I am so tired I can’t even spell…)

So I give to you the MASSES (ha ha ha I crack myself up)…if you would like to play along – please go right ahead and drop me a line so I can link to your seven random items :)

This is why I try and hide the pens,,,,

So my In-laws came to visit last weekend before Thanksgiving...

My FIL is an "interesting" fellow...

One of his many, many, many, many - did I say many yet? "quirks" is underlining and circling random things in things he reads...

Before he arrived I put "my precious" (AKA People magazine) out of harms way...

Unfortunately the same can't be said for my newspaper

Is Christmas over yet?

So this morning TW crawled into bed with me and was talking all about how excited that she is for Christmas to come...

She was babbling on and I wasn't really paying attention until she got to the Guitar part...

See - she has been asking for a Guitar and being the nice mommy I am I bought her one...

Seeing that she is 6.5 I figured she was talking about a "REAL" Guitar and I bought her a brown kid sized one...

this morning she was talking all about how she can't wait to get her pink pretend guitar

Say What Willis?

Pink...Pretend...Guitar

so I asked her what would happen if Santa brought her a brown Guitar...

in no uncertain terms she told me that she would be sad because she wants a pink pretend guitar like Miranda...

Who the hell is Miranda...

come to learn it is some little girl that was in her Kindergarten class...

I told her how will Santa know you want a PINK one since all you have been asking for is a Guitar

"Oh he will know Mommy - he knows everything - just like God"

{banging my head....banging my head}

so what does a good mommy do- hop on E-bay and track down Pink Guitars and make TW SHOW "Santa" what she wants...

and what does she want - a Pink Princess Guitar...

THANK the lord that I saw one at Tuesday Morning on Black Friday with my mom...one call to my "Santa" and she put her shoes on and went out the door to see if there were any left...

and I am awaiting the call that will hopefully bring joy to my little girl in 30 days...

and I'm spent....

Finally back from the 'rents....

and realized I did actually blog while drunk - I re-read what I wrote and I think I did a damn fine job for not remembering that I actually blogged until I checked my e-mail this morning and saw a few of ya'll commented on it...

Had a great time - got some holiday shopping done...still looking for a few things - WHY WHY WHY in the world does PWG want a Jasmine costume for X-mas...riddle me this batman...

Oh well thank god for E-Bay

Happy Gobble Gobble - I'm drunk

I hope everyone had a great Gobble Gobble day - I will say right now that if words don't seem right I blame it all on the Thirsty Lizard brand of wine I have been imbibing...very good wine...considering my dad paid $2.79 for it...

Anyway I hope all had a great Turkey day...Personally I love Thanksgiving because it revolves around being with my family...annoying the crap out of each other and playing various games...

This year the game du jour is Catch Phase...cause where else can I see my mother making licking faces when she is trying to get people to guess "whiska lickens", my father sing Goodship Lollypop, and for me my proudest moment was saying "General - It's In My Butt" for Colin Powell.

fun times...fun times

This morning my mom, sis and I went to some various places for Black Friday...my mother ran away from my Sis and I at Target at one point - you know if they put a whole endcap full of dancing holiday figures with buttons that say "Push Me" - welllllll we're going to push them...ALL OF THEM...

So to you and yours...have a happy happy happy weekend...

what, what I'm coming....

{the pumpkin pie is whispering ...."Cover me with whipped cream and eat me".....}

Gotta go....

Let's get our ELF on....

Ok so this is how it is going to work....a special thanks to Leona over at a great Forum board I am on for inspiring me to spread ELFIN' Cheer to all

I have been in contact with a few people...they will be getting a goodie in the mail from me...in exchange they have agreed to ELF someone else...

See where I am going with this...

SO - it is up to you my blog friends to spread the Elfin' Cheer

WHAT TO DO....

• Pick 2-3 or more people to ELF. Simple as that - you can choose people at random or hold a contest on your blog to see who gets to be ELFED. You will need to contact them for thier address if you don't have it.
  

• Send your ELF BUDDIES a small gift - it doesn't have to be much...a small gift card, a cute handmade item, a small bag of Holiday cookies - just about anything goes - remember tis the season to GIVE...

• Ask them to Elf it Forward
  

IF YOU BEEN ELFED

Copy and paste this little elf onto your blog so people can see that you have been ELFED

IF YOU ARE AN ELFER

Copy and past this little guy in your blog so everyone can see what a Great ELF you have been

Feel free to link back to this post when you spread your ELF Cheer around so they can be sure to get the Elf photos. Also let me know when you have posted either image on your blog - e-mail me at elffest2007@gmail.com (and no I don't need any Viagra and I am very satisfied with my Penis Size)

So let's go people....GET YOUR ELF ON!!!!

I'm going to be doing some ELFING....

That is sooooo right....

I am going to be doing some Elfing....and hopefully some of you will help me get the ball rolling...

Check back for more information in a bit...

In the meantime...Enjoy this little Elf dance I have for you...

CLICK ME

Just Another Manic Monday

A timeline of events so far

Greeted by my children at 6:25 this morning…hold a freakin sec…6:25 – WTF – why didn’t our alarms go off…we have three alarms set – Mine, TC and the girls…NONE of which went off – so crap on a stick we are late…

Send TC to the shower first since we are actually driving separately today (usually commute together)…while he is in the shower I head to the toilet well to you know…

Realize that a “friend” has come to visit two days early – commence cussing…

Still cussing when TC gets out of the shower – I go to grab a WaHoo plug only to find out the only ones I have left are “lite days” (God damn Tampax Variety Pack – more Supers less Lites) – while holding two I realize – hey two are about the size of 1 Super…then I have that ‘thought’…

You know the thought of “how would I explain myself if I wind up naked on an ER table” and decide 1 is enough…besides I have about 6 of them – that should last me oh about 2 hours…I am lamenting on the fact that all I have are “lite” ones when TC asks “Well won’t they work”

Umm yeah about as well as an umbrella hat in a hurricane

So I hurry and get in the shower and – oh I guess I should also tell you my in-laws who were suppose to head home Sunday afternoon are still at my house… - which makes everything just a bit more sweeter…

Get out of the shower and find that it is almost time to leave….that is if we hadn’t been awoken 25 minutes behind schedule…luckily TC was ready to go and took the girls with him…I didn’t even care that TW was totally mismatched and PWG was wearing her shitkickers with her dress…

So now it is me naked in a house alone with my In-laws…so not a good Monday morning…figure if I hurry and get dressed I can get out before they arise from their slumber…

Then I realize – AWWWW SHIT – I need dessert for TW Thanksgiving Feast…OK – so the grocery store is open…and I am going to be out of those ‘Lite” Wahoo plugs soon…

So I get dressed, run down the stairs and out the door…

Whew…no in-law sightings

Head to the grocery store where I pick up 2 boxes of brownie bites, 2 dozen mini cupcakes and a box of Tampax Supers…needless to say the checkout boy just took a look at what I was purchasing and was very nice to me…

Get in the car and realize – CRAP ON A FREAKIN STICK – the birthday card for a co-worker is sitting on my kitchen counter – in my haste to leave my house this morning I forgot it and since all my other co-workers needed to sign it back home I went….

Get back home and manage to run in quickly and grab the card – I heard stirring upstairs but I just ran as fast as my little pumped heeled feet would go…

Jump back in the car and head off to work – only to get stuck in traffic – main way into work is blocked by a big accident…so I have to go the long way around through the Ghetto…lock my doors and cross my fingers that all the drug dealers are asleep after a heavy night of dealing…

Finally get to work – only to realize that today is Flu Shot day and my appointment is NOW…so I rush upstairs to fill out the paperwork – what they want my employee number – I don’t know…so finally find it out when another co-worker tells me I need my insurance card…look and look through my purse – can’t find the freakin thing – call TC and tell him he needs to FAX me the card NOW….so I give one more look through and guess what I find…yep the damn card…

Run down and get my flu shot…

Then calm for a little while…then off to PWG Thanksgiving Feast…

Get out to my car and start heading toward the school – only to find my main way blocked by a cop car – WTF…ok maybe an accident – so I have to go the long way around to get on the interstate…so I am putzing along wondering “Humm why are there no cars coming from the other direction” – then BAM – lights and sirens everywhere…do you want to know who F’ed up my way – the President of the United States…damn that man…apparently he is in town for something or other – I don’t care - he added 5 minutes on to my travel time – hella pissed.

Finally get to the school and sign in and make my way to the class room…where I learned that while PWG did inherit my creativity…she also inherited my gracefulness and managed to trip and send her plate flying everywhere…luckily most everything but the mashed potatoes were solid and stayed in thier lump like forms. After lunch I asked the room mother if there was anything I could help with…

SO SO SO should not of said anything…cause I then spent the next 10 minutes gluing Walnuts on potatoes…

Let me say this again…gluing walnuts on potatoes…

All this by 12:30…

Wonder what the rest of the afternoon will bring…

All I know is when I get home my In-laws better be gone or I am camping at the local Red Roof Inn tonight…

how sad

this is my 150th post....

but I don't have time to do it justice...

really need to hit the sheets been a long day....

Totally useless fact for today : Groundhogs can whistle.

so tired...

spent all day at a craft fair peddling my wares....

made enough to cover TC's X-mas present...

going to bed now...

So how do you explain....

Yesterday TC and I were watching the local news during dinner, before a commercial break they gave a snippit of what was to come...

a story about a Transgender individual who is complaining that the prison isn't giving him the "protection" he needs. {Personally if he didn't break the law he wouldn't be in jail...now would he}
so they showed a few pictures and then we got the question

"Is that a boy or a girl?"

TC looked at me and said "This is all you."

I just looked down and concentrated very hard on eating my fish and veggies hoping it would go away...

TC was looking around - I thought he was looking for the remote so he could change the channel

No such luck

The news came back on and went right to the story...the girls ran up and kept looking at the pictures and debating with each other if it was a boy or a girl...

TC kept looking at me...

I took the wuss way out and asked if anyone wanted a cookie...

Cause the lure of a cookie takes all the attention away from the she-male on TV...

ummm - OK

So I just went to go pick my daughters up from afterschool care...an hour early...

I came home without them.

They didn't want to leave - they were having to much fun.

Good thing the place is only a minute from my house...

Now on to vacuum in preparation for in the in-laws {cue scary Halloween type scream}

Maybe they will be ready to leave in another 40 minutes?

THURSDAY SHOUT-OUT - go and check out G-man's blog - not only is he a fine PIM husband...but he actually comments on my blog - which shows at least one person reads it :)

I feel so dirty....

So last night I went to a bra fitting event at our local Nordstroms with a group I belong to.

It was well ummm an interesting experience…

First they had one of their stylists come and tell our group of about 15 women (all of whom have either twins or triplets) about this season latest fashion “trends”…

I am so hoping these particular trends don’t stay around long because they are scary…

Let me highlight a few

Patent Leather…yes patent leather shoes in a myrid of colors….great if you are in the 8-12 year old set but considering I am considerably older not really my cup of tea.

Puffed sleeves…ACK…throw in some plaid and you will have all the shirts I wore in the 2nd grade…bonus points for adding in a lace collar

Clutches – I did ask how as mothers we would hold the clutches and our 2+ children and I lamented on the fact that they didn’t seem to have any pockets to hold a sippy cup nor a bag of goldfish crackers…the stylist informed us that clutches were great for when we went out for dinner…that got a big chuckle…somehow I think if I walked into Red Robin with a beaded clutch that would be a little overkill

Jackets with ¾ sleeves – now don’t get me wrong being as I have the arms of a T-rex I enjoy the ¾ sleeves style on shirts…but jackets…really you are giving me less fabric and charging me more money?

Peep-toe shoes – WITH hose…ummm I am not a toe lover…and I really don’t want to look down and see someone with peep-toe shoes with their toes stuck in a lycra prison all mashed together…and you know someone is going to take it a step further and wear some sort of reinforced granny stocking with their peep-toes and then play it off by saying “it’s the TREND”

Knits…knits and more freakin’ knits…my ass looks like two ripe cantaloupes…knits are NOT my friend people…

I did like the fact that the “in colors’ are Gray and Raspberry/Cranberry as I personally love Gray…now that is the one “trend” that can stick around

And on to the bra fitting…since there were about 15 of us and only about 4 “fitters” I had to wait my turn so a friend and I scouted out what Nordstrom’s had to offer…

We came across these…which will now be forever known in my mind as either the “Pica-cu Peek-a-boos” or the “Va-jay-jay Voyeurs” – I haven't decided which name I like better. Obviously with all those ruffles they are meant for one thing only – to proudly envelope and display your muff in a see through mesh served with a garnish of ruffles.

I did enjoy these panties from Juicy Couture… the problem I have with them is the writing is on the back - I don’t know about you – but if I am going to cover some part of my body with the words “Eat Candy” my ass would not be the first place I choose to put it…now Juicy slap that saying on the front and I would buy them – just for the shear laughs it would get in the bedroom…

Then it was time for my bra fitting…went back with a very nice gal…got naked from the waist up…she looked and measured and then told me my size…which was the same size I have been wearing all along…I felt so dirty…I gave this other woman a glimpse of the girls for basically nothing… When I told TC this his only response was “Was she hot?” - Typical

And since I was there I felt I HAD to buy something…you know like when you are invited to a home party and the hostess says “Oh just come and hang out you don’t have to buy anything” – yeah right…if you go you are buying something…

So I scouted about…skirting past the $110 bras…and found the I-Bra …so $53 later my evening was complete…

Yes $53 for a bra…that is the MOST I have ever spent on any sort of undergarment that only myself, my husband and MAYBE Emergency Medical Personnel might see – but I have to say…it is damned comfortable and the girls are snuggled up like two newborn puppies....

so slacky

yes I know I am sooooo slacky - I didn't write all weekend...

oh well - I did promise to TRY to do my best...

but because of my laziness someone is going to win...

so stay tuned to this blog to see what I have up my sleeve

Truely. Seriously. Disgusting

So I was looking around the web for a hunting gag gift for my hubby...and came across this little gem -Liquid Ass

Even better you get your choice of nozzles - a streaming tip or a mister top.


According to the website:


Liquid ASS is a highly–concentrated, butt–crack smell with hints of green poo, fart, and dead animal.

it goes on to say

Lighten up any birthday, Christmas, or retirement party with the gift of ASS.

Somehow I don't think any party I attend will be lightened up by something that smells like my grandpa after a visit to Bob's House O' Beans...

Thursday Shout-out

I don't have much time today....

so I am going to give a Shout-out to my dear friend Gretchen over at Banana & Toddlers ...because she truely understands and assists me with my love of all things gnomey

Looking for a unique and handmade gift for a loved one this holiday season - look no further then her wonderful Etsy shop - Gretchen Crafts

and while you are over at Etsy check out Aimee's wonderful photographs at Greeblemonkey

The Insanity never ends

Ummm ok – my kids are going to make me go insane…I AM going to wind up like my mother and my grandmother …

So this morning TW hops out of bed and gets dressed…I tell her “Go down and give Murphy (the dog) some food”…so away she goes…

Meanwhile PWG is sitting on the toilet…trying to decide between 2 pairs of underwear.

Have I mentioned at this point we are 10 minutes behind our usual morning scheduale.

So I have to say “please PWG – just pick a pair of underwear” to which I am told “It’s a delicate decision” – really a delicate decision? And what 6 year old talks like that…”delicate decision”

From downstairs I hear and anguished cry….so I fly down the stairs to see TW with tears rolling down her face…whatever could be the matter….through her tears I get this

TW: Murphy already has food.
ME: Well just give her some more
TW: NOOOOOOOOO then she will have too much
ME: Fine than don’t feed her
TW: But I WANT to feed her
ME: Do you want me to dump all the food in the bag? Hold On “PWG – please stop dancing around in your underwear with the cat and get dressed”
TW: NOOOOOOO

Ok – then there was a whole meltdown conversation about what color socks TW should wear this morning…

We are now 15 minutes behind schedule…

PWG comes down dressed and goes out to the garage…meanwhile TW is having another meltdown because I am not helping her get her socks and shoes on…never mind had I OFFERED to help her I would have been on the receiving end of a “I CAN DO IT MYSELF” melt down…you know damned if you do damned if you don’t…

So I helping TW get her socks and shoes on when I hear banging…PWG had managed to lock herself out of the house in the garage…

ME: Hold on PWG
PWG: {bang, bang, bang}
ME: Hold on
PWG: {bang, bang, bang}
ME: I SAID Hold on
PWG: {bang, bang, bang}
ME: For the love of all that is good and holy…{mutter some choice words under my breath}

At this point PWG gave up and crawled through the doggy door…

And then….this occurred

PWG: Murphy doesn’t have any food.
TW: Yes she does.
PWG: No she doesn’t.
TW: PWG did you put Murphy’s food back in the bag?
PWG: Yes so you could feed Murphy this morning like you wanted to. {bless her little heart}
TW: {cue tears} But I was getting used to the idea that she had food….now I HAVE to feed her.

SERIOUSLY

I. AM. GOING. INSANE.

So 20 minutes late and 3 notches more insane I finally made it out of my house this morning…

What I am thankful for today: I am thankful that PWG shows such love to her sister.

SQUIRTMAN - Peanut Butter Jelly Time

Apparently one good thing about having kids and being forced to watch hands with eyes or a bunch of grown men "wiggling" around is that you miss a whole period of time...

I was looking for something else on Youtube and came across a bunch of videos dubbed "Peanut Butter Jelly"

Apparently it is a song that has a dance to it ala...the electric slide but not so "groupy"

I am glad I "missed the boat"... although it does seem like a lot of people landed squarely on it and recorded it for, well...Posterity? I am a little confused with some of the videos where people are dressed up as bananas while doing the PBJ dance?

But I do have to say watching this particular video makes me realize just how happy I am to be married if this is what is available in the single scene...

Three Little Words

I had to say the three little words every wife hates to utter…but every husband loves to hear….

YOU. WERE. RIGHT.

I think certain men take wonderful glee when their wives admit that they are right…because it happens so infrequently…

Now that is not to say that wives are right all the time…it’s just that most men tread very carefully about whether or not to pursue a “I’m Right” argument…cause they like sex too much…

But every once in a while us women do back down and admit that we are wrong or perhaps…we have come upon one of those 2% of situations where our husbands are actually …well, Right.

How did this come about…well, see I grew up in a “county” type area where there was really no crime. For awhile when I was younger my mother “hid” our spare key on a hook next to the door…let me repeat this – ON A HOOK. NEXT TO THE DOOR. – yes I really don’t understand why you would bother to lock your door, but nonetheless – later on she hid it in one of those “realistic” looking rocks…oh what a beautiful flowerbed with one lonely rock right in the middle…Clever, no…

Anyway TC grew up with everything having to be locked behind him…

So we have this on-going argument because I “forget” to lock the car that resides in the driveway…a quirk of my upbringing. He always gets after me because I fail to lock the door…My response is usually “We live in a nice neighborhood - nobody’s going to break into our car”

WELLLL….on Friday evening we turn on the news – at first I am not paying attention to it until I look up and what do I spy….MY HOUSE….ON TV – WTF – why is my house on TV….so I am straining to hear what the newscaster is saying while PWG and TW are jumping around shouting “our house is on TV…our house is on TV”…turns out there has been a rash of car break-ins in my neighborhood and a few other subdivisions…since we reside on a main intersection with the big neighborhood sign in the corner of our yard they filmed footage of our house to go along with the story…

We later learned from some neighbors that the cars weren’t “broken” into …but rather the cars were left unlocked in the driveways and somebody helped themselves items in the car….so upon learning that I uttered those three little words….

YOU WERE RIGHT

Sunday morning....

man this posting every day is going to be hard...

but let's see thanks to NaBloPoMo I have a topic - THANKFUL

so what am I thankful for...

1 - I am thankful that both TC and I have good stable jobs that allow us not to have to sweat about how we are going to pay our bills and we don't have to decide what is more important - food or electricity...for this we are truely blessed. So for those who have the same thing to be Thankful for....please make a donation to your local food bank...not just during the holidays...but 6 months from now as well

2 - I am thankful that we were able to have children so easily, when I know others cannot...and I am thankful that even though my daughters were preemies they sailed right through NICU without any major problems and continue to this day to be healthy. So for those who have the same thing to be Thankful for...think about making a donation to St. Judes or Childrens Miracle Network

3 - I am thankful that I have such great friends...both IRL and my PIMS. Be sure to give your friends a shout-out this week and let them know how much they mean to you

Saturday Morning Quickie

one of my favorite jokes of all time...before you say it - Yes i know I am so Childish :)

Q: What is red and has seven dents?

*
*
*
*
*
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*
*
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A. Snow Whites Cherry.... (ba dum dum)

looky what I did...

all by myself too.....look at the beautiful header!!!!!

Not bad for knowing nothing and just playing around...oh the possibilities now....

I see gnomes....sweet, sweet gnomes in my future....

Bloggin- Day 2

Cause I joined NaBloPoMo it is requiring me to write everyday...

I've gotta tell you people ...just like sex - some days it ain't going to pretty, some days it ain't going to be long, some days it's going to be downright messy...but some days, some days...it will be very sweet and if I dare say...orgasmic (in a funny ha ha..BTDT way)

today I'm just going to Wham Bam Thank You Maam'

I give you

PantyWad Girl posing as a Witch....

and

Toothless Wonder as a beautiful Butterfly...

Holy Crap...

I freakin did it - I wrote HTML code...see that new little thing above my MILF badge (which thankfully hasn't been taken away...I'm on a little MILF break right now...a little diet intolerance...but come the holidays I am going to be trying the Wii diet...so I'll be back in MILF form) that is my NaBloPoMo badge...which they didn't give me something nice to just paste it - I had to figure out how to write the HTML code...

go me...go me...do the cabbage patch..do the running man...do the lawn sprinkler....

ok - I am all signed up and ready to go...

Go WHERE???

well I took Aimee's invitation and joined NaBloPoMo

Huh - what the?

NaBloPoMo = National Blog Posting Month

So for the ENTIRE month of November I am going to try and do my best to post every day...

Note DO MY BEST is in bold...cause I can try...but I may not succeed...